‘I honestly don’t know,’ he said.

His colleague gave him the internationally recognised look for give-me-the-signal-and-I-will-rugby-tackle-this-lunatic-for-you then returned to their table where everyone pretended to talk while eavesdropping. Jemima pressed on.

‘You ready?’ she said rubbing her hands.

‘And you promise you’ll go away?’

‘Exactly!’ She beamed. ‘Okay, so Dane—’

‘Deon…’

‘Exactly, would you like a date with my friend?’ boomed Jemima before whispering behind her hand, ‘then you look at her and shake your head so they can see.’

Deon looked over at Simi who was straining to see him through the crowd.

‘No thank you,’ he said shaking his head.

‘Do it more,’ Jemima said, ‘and then wave your hands like, no. This is acting 101, Dave. It’s got to read across the whole space.’

Jemima remembered Simi saying something along those lines when describing theatre acting.

‘I’m not interested,’ bellowed Deon waving his hands.

‘Bravo,’ said Jemima in a whisper that could have been heard in a helicopter.

She patted him on the back, shoved him towards his friends and left. Behind her, Jemima heard the sound of crashing glass and knew she’d shoved him too hard. Cringing, she decided to just… keep… on… walking.

‘What happened?’ Meagan asked Jemima as Deon beckoned over a waiter and pointed in their direction.

Jemima watched as the waiter approached and braced herself, ready to defuse the situation. This place was in her top three best haunts. She couldn’t get barred for harassing men!

‘Sorry, Sorry,’ she said placing a hushing finger on her lips as only noisy, drunk people do.

The waiter smiled patiently. ‘No worries. Just, please, don’t bother people,’ he said clearing the assortment of glasses from their table.

Jemima mimed hushing everyone as he left.

‘Right, well we tried but you heard the man. We’re bothering people,’ she said, sitting back down.

‘But what happened over there?’ Simi asked, ignoring her.

Jemima crossed her fingers under the table. ‘He said he thought it was, and I quote, weird and not what he expected from three adult women persons then he made me promise to go away.’

Meagan stared at Jemima. ‘He said that?’

Jemima gave an overzealous nod before turning to Simi. ‘But he did say you were incredibly beautiful and if he saw you on a dating website, he’d be more than interested.’

Simi clutched her chest. ‘Aaah, so sweet!’

See, there were times when lying was okay, Jemima reassured herself.

‘We gave it a shot but probably best we quit while we’re behind,’ she said, sweeping up her drink.

Without a word, Meagan vanished into the crowd. Damn, thought Jemima. If anyone was going to succeed at this, it was her. Five minutes later Meagan returned with Gil, an uncomfortable hybrid of hipster chic and millennial awkwardness.

‘Jemima, meet Gil. Gil, this is Jemima. Like I say, she told me – she fancies you,’ said Meagan before dusting her hands of the two of them and dragging Simi off to another table.

Jemima looked from Meagan to Gil and back again in horror. What had just happened? A moment ago she was on the way to burying this idiotic game and now she was on a date! She eyed up Gil, clocking his tattoo sleeve, hipster beard and lumberjack shirt.