Ryan must sense my hesitation because he starts to rub his neck awkwardly. “Sorry, bad timing on my part, right? I mean we almost all died today and here I am asking you on a date.”

“I’d love to,” I interrupt him with a hurried whisper. “But I can’t. Not now. Not yet.”

“Because of what you went through in the arenas?” he asks.

I glance away, feeling suddenly uncomfortable and embarrassed.

“I have to figure out how to live in this new world first,” I say. “I’ve spent so long fighting, I don’t know who I am anymore. Do you understand?”

He looks a little hurt, but nods all the same.

Just then, I feel something cold land on my nose. It feels like rain, but softer. I look up and see that it’s starting to snow.

“Winter comes early in Quebec,” Ryan explains.

I keep gazing up, watching the snowflakes fall. I feel happy and content, grateful to be alive and well fed. But I also feel like staying at Fort Noix forever just won’t be possible.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Ryan watching me, studying me, trying to work me out.

“Will you at least stay for the winter?” Ryan says. “After everything you’ve been through, you deserve that much, don’t you? It’s not selfish to want to recuperate and rest. And you can help far more people in the spring. You don’t know what our winters are like here.”

I don’t answer, but keep looking up at the falling snow, reflecting the twinkling starlight. I don’t want to promise Ryan anything I won’t be able to give.

“If you won’t stay for me,” he adds, quietly, “stay for Ben.”

Finally, my head snaps over to look at Ryan. “What do you mean?” I challenge him.

“I’ve seen guys like that before,” Ryan says. “I’m worried he might have PTSD.”

I nod. I’d been thinking the same thing.

“You know everyone has to work here, right?” he adds. “The Commander isn’t particularly kind when it comes to things like that.”

“What do you mean?” I whisper.

“I mean the Commander wouldn’t keep a useless soldier around. He doesn’t have the resources or the motivation to rehabilitate damaged people.”

My insides turn to ice at the thought of Ben being turfed out of Fort Noix and left to fend for himself when at his most vulnerable. If I’d had any concerns about leaving my friends and sister before, they’re now magnified by ten times. If the Commander finds out about Ben’s PTSD, he’ll be kicked out for sure.

Which means for now, I have no choice but to stay and look after him.

I’ll stay, I realize.

At least for now, I’ll stay.

SIX MONTHS LATER

CHAPTER SIX

“Brooke! Brooke! Brooke!”