Despite our exhaustion, no one sleeps well that night. Bree wakes several times, sweating and screaming. She used to have night terrors all the time when we lived alone on the mountains but they stopped when we were at Fort Noix. I feel terrible for putting her in a position where she is so scared again. The only difference now is she has Charlie to comfort her. I can’t help but feel a little pang of jealousy as I realize she leans on him more readily now than she does on me. It’s partly her growing up and becoming independent—she’s starting to realize she can’t rely on me forever—but it’s also partly because of me, because of how I’ve had to shut down my emotions to get through it all. I’ve been through so much, I don’t have anything left in me to give.

As I lie there in the darkness, my mind mulling over everything we’ve been through, it dawns on me that I’ve become the soldier my dad always wanted me to be, the practical, tough, emotionless son he never had. But I also know that my emotionless exterior will only last so long. I won’t be able to keep it up forever. One day, all the heartache will hit me at once, and when it does, I’ll cry enough tears to refill the Mississippi.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I’m almost surprised when I wake the next morning, still alive and in one piece. No disaster befell us during the night like I’ve come to expect. I even slept at some point.

I still have the heavy metal neck brace on that the slavers put on me and have no idea how I’m going to get it off; I can’t exactly get Molly to take her axe to it. It’s irritating and cumbersome, but it’s just another niggling pain I’m going to have to endure.

My wounds are sore as I start to climb the ladder. When I reach the trap door, I push up with my hands and discover that it’s stuck. I push again, putting more strength into it. But it doesn’t budge.

I start to panic. The darkness down in the bunker seems to suddenly envelop me, and the stagnant air seems to grow even hotter. I can’t help but think of the prison cell Ben and I were locked in back in Arena 1 in all those months ago.

Finally, I jam my shoulder in the trapdoor hard enough for it to give. The hinges ping off as I slam my palms into it.

Quickly, I ascend the ladder, and the sight that meets me makes me cry out in despair.

Everything is gone.