I hesitated, wondering what was bothering him. I knew he must be even more worried about the situation with the Council than I was, when he was the one responsible for training everyone. But this felt like something else.

He glanced at me; a slight smile appeared. “You know, you sort of have to pay attention if you’re going to learn this. Here, I’ll do it again.”

This time I took in the steady rhythm of his thumb as he pressed the cartridges in. “Like a Pez dispenser,” I said. All around us were the faint thuds of silenced bullets. They weren’t loud, but they were intense, somehow; you could feel the whole room vibrating with them.

“Yeah, exactly.” Alex took the cartridges out again and handed me the empty magazine. “And listen, I’m sorry about just now, with the group,” he added in an undertone. “Hope I didn’t embarrass you.”

“It’s okay,” I said, thinking how strange it was for us to be standing this far apart. I’d gotten so used to touching Alex whenever I wanted – it seemed as natural to me as breathing. I knew he felt the same. Earlier that morning, he’d pulled me into one of the storerooms as I’d come out of the shower room wearing a borrowed bathrobe – stroking my damp hair back with both hands, kissing me deeply, the two of us pressed up against the wall in the shadows.

“I missed you last night,” he’d whispered between kisses.

“Me too...me too,” I’d murmured. His arms had felt so safe around me, as if the weird sensations of the night before would never have happened if I hadn’t been sleeping away from him. As if they weren’t important at all any more.

I swallowed as I looked down at the magazine, struggling to push a cartridge in. I’d been trying not to focus on it, but that sense of my angel being restless was still there. I was so conscious of her as a separate presence that she almost felt loose inside of me; I was reminded of Peter Pan trying to sew his shadow back on. God, I hated this – not knowing what was going on with my own body.

“Hey. What’s up?” asked Alex.

I shoved my worries down as far as they’d go and slammed a door on them. There was no way I was telling Alex this; it was too not-human for me to even want to think about it. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

He propped a hip against the table, watching me carefully. “Those girls haven’t been giving you a hard time, have they?”

“No. Well, a little. Nothing major.” I manoeuvred another cartridge into the magazine. It wasn’t nearly as easy as it looked. “How did you do this so fast, anyway?”

He glanced down at my hands. “Practice. What do you mean, nothing major?”