People loved me, too. They should. I loved being useful, loved helping out and being friendly. The only two people who didn’t love me were my husband and Sadie. Well, Sadie probably loved me. She just didn’t like me all that much.

“So why would someone want a married man?” I asked when Caro came back from the other room. “Especially an old married man?”

“Money, honey. For one, he’s close to death. Whoops. Sorry. I meant figuratively. I bet she’s some young slut who figures he’ll leave you, marry her, and then she’ll get all his money.”

“You know, we’re not exactly rolling in it. We did fine. We have enough for retirement. No one’s going to inherit much other than this house.”

“Which our trashy whore probably doesn’t know,” Caro said. “For two, he’s already proven he’s a keeper for someone. ‘Married fifty years? Oh, he’s a family man!’ She never thinks, ‘If he cheated with me, he’ll cheat on me.’ Because that could never happen. Her vagina is so special, it has unicorns in it.”

I snorted again.

Caro took a sip of bourbon. “And for three, she gets a rush off the competition.”

“How are you an expert on this?”

“I read articles on the Internet.”

I smiled, but it died a quick death. “The thing is, Caro, I didn’t know we were competing. I thought John was just . . . done. You know. In the bedroom. He never . . . you know. Made a move. Not that I minded. We were barely talking these past ten years.”

“Fuck him. I’m going with smothering. It’s the best way for everyone.”

“I’m trying to feel angry here. I didn’t want to stay married, and neither did he, apparently, but I’m not the one who snuck around. And now look! If she’d take him off my hands, I’d be grateful.”

“Of course you would!” Caro said staunchly. “You were all set to ditch him. He didn’t deserve you, Barb.”

“I know.” Another sip of bourbon.

And yet . . . and yet there was the embarrassment.

My husband was cheating on me. It was so ridiculous and cliché. WORK made him feel young again. Wow. Breaking news, people. Screwing around behind your wife’s back is exciting. Dating a younger woman makes you feel like a stud.

It was pathetic. There was no other word for it. He was acting like every idiot man who’d ever cheated on his wife. And like teenagers discovering sex, he thought he invented all those feelings.

I had been planning to take the high road. Divorce him. Bury the corpse that was our marriage.

Cheating had never occurred to me. I took those vows seriously, you bet I did.