I only had three. I figured I would do the USAA Visa card first. My Dad was in the Air Force, that’s how I got that one.

I dialed the number, then pressed one for English, then pressed three for credit card services, but the robot wasn’t working, so I just pressed zero over and over again until I got a live person. Sherri at USAA sure was friendly. I guess they are like that in San Antonio. She asked me when the last time was I used the card, and I told her Sunday. She sounded concerned, because there were 13 different charges totaling $800 that had happened since last night. Jesus H. Christ.

“So let’s go through these charges. Vishara Adult Video at 569 Eighth Avenue for $64.66, that wasn’t you?”

“No.”

“Lucky Lingerie & Novelties, 422 Ninth Avenue, for $45.99, that wasn’t you?”

“No.”

“XXX Adult—“

“Look, I said I haven’t used the card since Sunday. All of these charges are fraudulent. Do we have to go through them one by one?”

“Yes.”

“No we don’t. Look, I left my wallet in a bar last night. I have to cancel my other credit cards, too. I did not make any of these purchases.”

“Our fraud investigation department will conduct an inquiry into the matter and you will receive a letter in the mail within 4-6 weeks with the result of the investigation.”

“Whatever.”

“Is there anything else I can help you with this morning?”

I hung up.

* * * *

I don’t read The Wall Street Journal. First of all, I leave for work before it is delivered, and besides, anyone who is anyone in the business doesn’t read it, anyway. If you are in the markets, if you trade, why do you need someone to tell you what happened yesterday? Besides, outside of the editorial page, it is little more than a gossip rag, and every once in a while there would be an article about Weber, at which point I would neatly fold up the newspaper and put it in the trash. I didn’t know who the Journal was using as its sources, because I sure as hell wasn’t talking, and nobody else in the office was. Instead of reading the paper, I rely on my sales coverage to tell me what is going on in the world. I am at work before any of them, but Boone Dog is the only one who gets in at a reasonable time, 0615 every morning. The guy hustles, but makes it look easy. He wears great ties. And he has a great team, including his cute new assistant.

Oh shit.

Sweetheart.

I don’t drink often, but it seems that every time I do, I make an asshole out of myself. She is all of twenty-two. I am old enough to be her father. It is the quiet ones you have to watch out for. There was something different, exotic about her.

Black fingernail polish.

Worse, Boone Dog was traveling to Chicago, to see some futures accounts. So I was going to have to deal with the New Girl.