Joe and I exchange looks. “I think we’re done here. Alice, thank you very much for your help.”

CHAPTER 53 - Molly

CHAPTER 53

Molly

I’M BACK AT THE HOTEL, AND SADIE GREETS ME AT OUR DOOR. I’D locked her in with the DO NOT DISTURB flag hanging from the outside knob when I left for the prison. She’s all wagging tail when I come in. I clip on her leash, and we head back out.

We walk down the sloping hotel driveway and start down the sidewalk. Traffic streams by, people on their way to the grocery store or to school to pick up kids maybe, oblivious to me and my dog. Unaware of the enormous lightness I feel as I stride along beside them. I’m just some woman walking her pet.

I’m jittery too as emotions bubble through my body. I never thought I’d see my attacker again. Confronting him had been a strange dream, an idea that never seemed possible, discouraged by the professionals I’d talked to over the years. But the power I felt when the meeting concluded reaffirmed my belief that, for me, this was a necessary step, one a long time in the making.

And Jay, he didn’t betray me. Tears slip down my cheeks as the cold, gusty wind tosses my hair back over my shoulders. With one hand, I tug my knitted hat more firmly over my ears. I miss my husband so much it sends shudders of pain through my chest. I want to tell him what I did today like a proud child. That’s the worst thing about death: you want to tell your loved one things, both trivial and life-altering. You start to form in your mind what you’re going to say, anticipate his or her reaction, feel that warm glow of experiences shared between you. Death severs that most primal connection, and that leaves maybe the biggest hole of all. Still, I whisper to Jay and close my eyes a moment. I imagine his voice in the wind. Well done, Molly!

Back in the room, Sadie and I relax. I need to decompress, let today’s events settle through me, then I’ll go home. Tomorrow.

I peruse the plastic menu that sits on the credenza and order room service. After Sadie and I eat, I watch TV, read a magazine, although my mind skims the words without them sticking. It’s full dark now, but I’m not sleepy. I’m full of energy.