Sorry, I know I’m not making sense. I’ll slow down. I’m exhausted and wired at the same time, and I’ve barely eaten today. B’s son Harry was just here. He came by to tell me that there’s now a suspect, that Alice told the police B was having an affair with someone in town, and she thinks this woman’s husband was the one who killed B. SHE’S MAKING IT UP, and that makes me think that Alice actually did have something to do with B’s death. First of all, B was not seeing someone else. I told Harry that and he looked at me like I was deluded, and you’re probably thinking the same thing. But he WASN’T. Alice made it up because she found a way to kill him, and now that the police know it wasn’t an accident, she needs someone else to blame.

The son is CUTE. He’s an age-appropriate B, right down to his pure emotional blockage. When I saw him at the funeral my knees literally buckled and then I saw the way Alice was hovering over him and I wanted to swoop in and save him. I went to the bookstore because I thought Alice might be there and I could see her up close but he was there, and then I was telling him I was looking for a job. I could tell he was into me, or maybe it was just that he could tell that I was lying about why I was there at the store. He texted me, and asked me out for drinks, like a real date. He told me all about his life, and I made up a story about coming to maine to get away from it all, but he didn’t believe it (you know I’m a lousy liar) so he came here tonight, and I told him EVERYTHING. And then all I could see was how he was blaming me for what happened to his father, that I started it all, and then I didn’t know if I was just projecting my own guilt onto him.