But I had to remain pure. Perhaps all those mystical visions and dreams had made me feel that I should remain a virgin. Now the time is long past for marriage. My virginity has been like a bird which has ceased to sing. A bird whose feathers have lost their lustrous sheen. When I was in the west I realized how greatly treasured virginity is. The men were always so polite and courteous to me. I once gave a friend of mine a cube of lavender-scented bath salts. She told me that it had lost its fragrance. It crumbled like desiccated limestone in her hot bath. The water became cloudy but there was no fragrance. I had kept it too long in my wardrobe among the silks and jewels I no longer wore. I now belonged to a religious order that frowned on vanity and adornment as sinful.

I watch this treasured gift of my virginity as in a mirror. The mirror is clear. It has an image. It is the face of a beautiful young girl. Her skin like ivory silk, her eyes blue and milky like moonstones. Her hair is lustrous. Ah yes, I will always bear this image in my eyes. Nothing has marred it. I have given my imaginings a shape, a form.

Once more I stand on the shore. The waves of the ocean surge about my feet. The rock that I see beyond is jagged. Like a sharply pointed pinnacle. The surf swathes the rock. The froth shimmers like wedding lace. It conceals the weapon of the rock. The rock is merciless. I know it will never yield even to the rage of the sea. The young man swims out to reach it. Will he return safely?

Again and again I see him fling the garland of jasmines. On whom? On the white horse? On Christ? It was here, here, at this point, that I had the vision and asked to be baptized. Here the young man set out to touch the rock. Here the white horse rose out of the waves. Here he gathered the white Jasmines in his hands. Here I, the young virgin, stood.

The call had come for me to reach Germany at the earliest. The summons were urgent. I had no time left to waste. The white horse had wanted to carry me away. I was yet to meet Lipovsky. To know that he would one day marry Karin.

Time the Destroyer