It was years since I had been to the village. Only part of the great house remained. In the past some of the heirs had carried away the great limestone blocks from the structure, brick by brick. I myself had no share in the family house. After my marriage my mother had written away her share in her ancestral house in Jaffna to my brother’s name. The rest of the land had been divided up among my brothers and sisters. I had given up my share in the Colombo house as well. The whole house and property was given to my sister at the time of her marriage. I had made no protest. The curse of the family would have been on me for spoiling her chances of marriage. I had no longer any part in the life of my family.

In the past we had been close, like the ring of thetpai grass which had bound our fingers to that of the Brahmin priest in the sacred rituals. But with time the ring of grass had been worn away. There was nothing left to bind us any longer, even one to another.

As a child I had ranged my father’s property freely. As I remember it, the palmyrah grove was dense and dark. It was a desolate uninhabited land. The mango trees budded and burst forth into blossom, fruited and fell unpicked, among the withering vembu flowers that carpeted the ground. But, having once left that land, the journey back seemed too long, too complicated and difficult to make. What could I have done with my life if I had stayed back there? We had all uprooted ourselves and gone to Colombo. Life had changed in the village. There were no paddy fields left from which a harvest could be gathered. They too had been sold at the time of my younger sister’s marriage. So many people had to make so many sacrifices which even entailed taking away another’s rightful share; each act of sacrifice led to the further alienation of the family. In the end everything would be in the hands of strangers.

Here, in Kandy, I walked among strangers. There was no one to call me by those familiar names of Rasa or Nainar. I stood alone at the altars of the gods, making my pilgrimage. And as I touched each part of the gods, I touched my heart, my eyes too, so that my body would become the abode of those spirits.