‘You’re even more heroic than I thought,’ cooed Persephone.

‘Geez. You’re even heavier than you look,’ groaned Hades.

The Titans advanced on the exhausted Gods, herding them towards the Heel Stone. The Ram stepped over the small battalion of deities and ripped the sacred stone up, revealing the steps to the prison below.

‘Time for you to check in to your new accommodation,’ he leered. ‘We have two options. Get in yourselves. Or we’ll kick you down every last step.’

‘Not a chance!’ Zeus yelled, drawing his sword. ‘We will never surrender!’

‘Zeush. It’sh no ushe,’ a bruised and battered Ares sighed. ‘They’re jusht too shtrong. I shay we shurrender.’

‘You what?’ scowled Aphrodite.

‘Shure,’ shrugged Ares. ‘What’sh the point? We’re done.’

‘You know, this is SO like you!’ screamed Aphrodite. ‘You can’t commit to anything! You know what’s done? WE ARE!’

‘Shuit yourshelf,’ shrugged Ares. ‘Plenty more fish in the shea.’

‘Men. Are. PANTS!’ shrieked Aphrodite, somersaulting across the grass and launching herself ferociously at The Brain. ‘AAAAAAAARGH!’

‘Oh, crikey,’ gulped The Brain as the Goddess of Love kicked him in a particularly sensitive part of his anatomy.

‘That’s for all the single ladies,’ panted Aphrodite, flick-flacking back and accepting her sister’s proud high-five.

‘You see?!’ cried Zeus, clambering back on to Pegasus’s back. ‘NO SURRENDER!’

‘Father,’ panted Athene, running over and placing a restraining hand on her father’s shoulder. ‘We need to regroup. We need a plan. We need reinforcements.’

‘Like who?’ grumbled Aphrodite, pulling grass out of her hair. ‘I don’t exactly see a line of volunteers.’

‘There must be someone,’ Athene cried, wracking her vast brains for the help they so desperately needed.

The Titans closed in tighter, backing the Gods back towards the perilous pit behind them.

‘Oh, look,’ said The Ram, eyeing up the hallowed rocks of Stonehenge with an evil glint. ‘Skittles. Fancy a game, bruv?’

‘Yeah,’ said The Brain, clapping his mighty hands with glee. He grabbed Poseidon with his right hand. ‘Look – a ball.’

‘Put me down, ye great lump o’ squid plop!’ Poseidon raged.

‘Great idea,’ grinned The Ram, scooping up a wobbly Dionysus.

‘I am NEVER drinking again,’ groaned Dionysus, hanging from The Ram’s fingers. ‘Has anyone got a headache pill and a bacon butty?’

‘Ready . . .’ The Brain called, pulling his arm back.

‘Father!’ Athene cried. ‘We have to stop them!’

‘I know,’ said Zeus, looking around for anything that might help.

‘Aim . . .’

‘What are we going to do?’ Aphrodite screamed. ‘We have to—’

‘STOP. RIGHT. THERE!’

Everyone froze as a clear, crisp voice rang out around the stones. It was a voice that demanded respect. It was a voice that commanded authority. It was a voice that required everyone to . . .

‘KISS MY ROYAL BOTTOM! AAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHHH!’