Then it was morning. On opening my eyes I didn’t know where I was. For a moment or two anyway. I reached for my phone. 11.47 a.m. Fuck. The whole morning gone. Twelve–thirteen hours asleep. How did that happen? What allowed me to turn off for so long? The world rushed in. The need to get the car fixed. The need to get back to work. The need for a lawyer. The need for money. The need to find somewhere to live while this legal bullshit with Agnieska got sorted out. The realization: I didn’t have the money to go anywhere.

I put on the pajama top, still unable to close it across my belly but knowing I couldn’t walk in on Elise bare-chested.

‘How did you sleep?’ Elise asked as I staggered into the kitchen where she was sitting.

‘I slept far too well,’ I said.

‘That’s a good complaint. Got your clothes all laundered and pressed.’

‘You really didn’t need to do that.’

‘But I did – and you now have clean clothes to wear today. Would you like a coffee?’

‘I can make it.’

‘But not the way I make it.’

‘Would you mind if I lit up?’ I asked, pulling my packet of American Spirit out of my pajama bottom pocket.

‘Go right ahead,’ she said, pointing to the balcony off her living room.

But once outside and halfway through my cigarette I heard screams and shouts. The same screams and shouts that we heard yesterday outside the clinic:

‘Baby killers … murderers!’

I found myself hunching up my shoulders, as if expecting the blows to hammer down again on my car roof. I took another steadying drag on my cigarette. I realized that the voices unnerving me were coming from within Elise’s apartment. I stubbed out my smoke. I came inside – and found her standing in front of the television set on a shelf in the living room. On the screen I could see my car under attack. Elise turned to me and said:

‘One of my colleagues just texted me to say that we were on the midday local news again. They’re also saying that another clinic in Studio City is under siege by demonstrators. It’s a clinic I know rather well.’

‘Don’t tell me we’re heading there today.’

Elise laughed a bleak laugh.

‘Fear not – I’m not on doula duty today. You have anything planned?’

‘I was thinking that, after yesterday, a day off might be a good idea.’

‘That sounds smart. I want you to make yourself at home here. And if you feel like venturing into the outside world you can take the Volvo for a spin, see how you like driving it.’

‘I still feel bad about –’