Walking over to Ricky’s lifeless body I wrapped my hand in Todor’s handkerchief, making sure my fingers were completely covered. Ricky’s hand was still around his pistol. I raised it. Todor leaned forward, fear in his face. It was tricky putting my handkerchief-covered fingers around those of Ricky’s, but I managed it somehow. I told him to come closer. He walked right up to me. I placed my finger against Ricky’s lifeless finger to pull the trigger. I’d never fired a gun before. I didn’t expect its backward kick that knocked me off balance. Todor howled as the bullet tore into his right shoulder. He fell to the side, but somehow managed to scramble back to Amber – who looked semiconscious and kept muttering incoherent words. He grabbed the blanket and pressed down against her bleeding wound. Shouting at us:

‘You’re out of here. Now.’

I ran to the car. Klara followed, but then had a second thought and turned around and ran back to Amber and whispered something to her. Then she took the gun out of her hand and dashed to the car. But halfway there Todor shouted:

‘The bullet Amber fired. It must be near Teresa’s body. If they find it they’ll trace it to your gun … and you’re fucked.’

Klara and I ran back to the area around which Teresa had fallen. All sand. Life sometimes deals you a lucky card. The moment I ran my hand through the immediate vicinity near her body I felt it touch a small metallic object. The bullet.

‘Got it,’ I said, putting it in my pants pocket along with the handkerchief.

Seconds later Klara and I were in the car.

I gunned the motor. We shot off into the night.

twenty-two

I DROVE FAST. Stupid fast. Barreling down the gravel road at forty miles an hour. I was covered in blood. So too my daughter, hysterical in the seat next to me and trying not to fall apart. I knew that I would never get out of my head the image of Elise falling dead into my arms. Elise. Who saved Amber’s life by pushing her out of Teresa’s final crazed volley of shots. Elise. My friend. Who showed me decency and kindness and respect: rare qualities in this strange, angry life we live now. Elise …

I felt myself about to explode into the most deranged sort of grief; that kind of heartache which threatens to drown you in the belief that life is just not worth the agony it so often is. I felt horrible leaving her on the ground back there. It was as if I had abandoned her. Left her for the cops, the ambulance guys, the coroner. Didn’t hold her until they arrived. Didn’t keep her close to me …