The whole kitchen had gone rigid, aghast. Kennet was ice cold, teeth clattering in his jaw. “What happened? What was his name?”

Emil opened his eyes now. “Matthew Lauren. But for some reason, we all called him Birdie. I can’t even remember why. He had both legs and an arm blown off. He knew he was a goner. I knew it. Everyone knew it. We thought it would be a matter of seconds. No longer than minutes. But he died slow. And the sound of him suffering was giving our position away. He was screaming to die. It’s branded on my memory. I remember every word. He said if I loved him, I’d put him down. For the sake of the other boys, I’d send him home. He begged me. He cursed me. He dared me. And everyone was looking at me, because he was my buddy. My best pal. My mate. I knew what to do. We all knew what to do. We’d been shown.”

“Oh Christ,” Kennet whispered.

“So the others moved away from us. Not far, but they made some distance and turned their backs. So later they could say they’d seen nothing. I sat down in the mud, pulled Birdie back against my chest, put an arm around him. I cried in a way I didn’t know was possible. Birdie turned his face up into my neck and told me it was all right. He thanked me. Over and over. He thanked me as I put my service revolver against his temple. I told him how much I loved him, how he’d be home in just a minute and nothing would ever hurt him again. And I shot him in the head.”

“Paps…”

“I wrote his family, saying he died instantly from his wounds. He knew no pain. He didn’t suffer. I lied to the people who loved him. The others in my unit and your mother are the only ones who know the truth. When Doc Tomlinson said Ingrid was having twins, we decided if one was a girl, we’d name her Lauren, but call her Birdie.” Emil turned a hand over in the air. “One was a girl. And she flew away from us.”

“Oh my God.” Kennet’s mouth moved around the words without making a sound.

“I thought it was punishment. I felt like I didn’t even deserve to grieve about it. You wonder why there’s no stone in the cemetery? Why not even Minor knows what her name was supposed to be? It’s because of me. It was all my doing. I don’t think your mother ever forgave me. And I know for a fact Major never forgave me.”

Kennet sank his head into his hands, pulling back his hair until his scalp protested.