“Good-bye, Mercy.” His confusion warred with his desire to have her. “I wish you the very best here on Vancouver Island. I pray you find everything you’ve hoped for.” The throbbing in his chest turned into a hard thudding. He needed to leave now before he did something he would later regret, such as pull her into his arms, kiss her, and plead with her to stay with him.

He forced himself to spin and walk away. He had to let her go. It was best for them both. Hopefully, his aching heart would learn the lesson soon enough.

twenty-four

Mercy leaned against her cabin door and tried to still her racing pulse. Her body screamed with the need to chase after Joseph and tell him she’d changed her mind, that she’d marry him, that she never wanted to leave him.

My stars. He’d proposed marriage. To her. And she’d turned him down.

She sank to her knees and buried her face in her hands. What had she done? All she’d had to do was say yes. One little word. And she could have stayed with Joseph and returned to that place where she was lost in his embrace, in his touch, and in his passion. That place where she could shut out her problems and pain. That place where, for just a little while, she could be happy.

“Surely God doesn’t require that we deny ourselves pleasure until all problems are eradicated.”

Joseph’s words burst back into her thoughts. He was a wise man and never failed to challenge her. And that was just one thing of many she loved about him. But for all his qualities she admired and the friendship they’d developed during the voyage, was that enough reason to get married?

She shook her head. Even as he’d proposed, she saw the relief in his eyes when she turned him down. He was attracted to her right well enough and thought he was doing the noble thing by her after their kiss, but there wasn’t a mite of thrill in him.

If she ever changed her mind and got married, she didn’t want a man who was marrying her out of guilt and obligation. Nor did she want a man who was only putting up with her background and station.

Instead, she wanted someone who couldn’t live without her and who loved her exactly for who she was. Aye, she’d want a man who thought being with her forever was just a bit exciting and not drudgery.

She’d never asked for much in life, had never expected more than her lot. Was she expecting too much now?