She was quiet and contemplative, so that the ringing call of the gulls overhead reminded him they’d reached land and were no longer adrift at sea.

“I’ve not only got my heart set against marrying but against having babes. And I wouldn’t never ask a man to give up having sons and heirs on account of me.”

“You don’t want to have any children?” After seeing how much love Mercy poured out upon others, especially the younger ones, her statement made no sense to him.

“Never,” she said forcefully.

“But why?”

“Can’t bring more babes into the world when there are already too many needing homes and help and love.”

“Have you considered that perhaps the joys of marriage and having a family help people to endure the difficulties of life?”

“I don’t rightly know.”

“Surely God doesn’t require that we deny ourselves pleasure until all problems are eradicated. Then none of us would ever find enjoyment in life, since this world will always have trouble.”

“But if we can ease the trouble, shouldn’t we do it?”

She sounded like Dr. Bates. Joseph didn’t like to think of his friend back in London, struggling to keep the Shoreditch Dispensary open by himself, but the thought had continually nagged him nevertheless. At times like this, his heart felt heavy with the guilt of abandoning Bates when he so needed the help. He prayed his friend had found a way to manage without him, yet deep inside he feared Bates would eventually have no choice but to close up his practice at the dispensary.

He couldn’t think of that now. Time was slipping away. He needed to return to the committee gathering before someone noticed he was gone and came looking for him.

“I am to assume, then, you’ve given me your answer regarding my proposal of marriage?”

She nodded.

“I cannot persuade you to change your mind?”

“No, Joseph.”

He wasn’t sure whether to feel relief or disappointment. “Can I at least persuade you to accept my apology?”

“It isn’t necessary.”

“You would ease my conscience if you kindly accepted it.”

“Very well.” Her tone contained a note of sadness.

Why was she sad? He studied her face, searching for clues. Was she distressed they wouldn’t be together? At their inevitable parting? Or that he hadn’t tried harder to win her hand?

He straightened his shoulders and lifted his head. He’d done more than most men would. And she clearly didn’t love him if she could refuse him like she did. Not that he’d expected love. In truth, he wasn’t sure what he’d expected.