BooksBarbecue
Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

ORTON   Test me then.

HALLIWELL   (still stroking) What on?

ORTON   Mythology.

HALLIWELL   Who was the father of Oedipus?

ORTON   Laius.

HALLIWELL   Who was his mother?

ORTON   Oh, fuck his mother.
Fade out and fade up to Orton getting up from the bed in his pants and sitting at the typewriter. The typing wakes Halliwell, who looks, smiles and goes back to sleep.

INT. FABER AND FABER BOARDROOM. DAY. 1956.

Halliwell and Orton are talking to a Publisher, sitting at the boardroom table. The room is lined with books. Photos of Faber authors. He has their manuscript in front of him. Halliwell concentrating on the Publisher, Orton on his surroundings.

PUBLISHER   The Boy Hairdresser. Nice title. Ye-es. I showed it to one or two … selected colleagues and we laughed.

HALLIWELL   You’re kidding?

PUBLISHER   We had a real chuckle. The trouble is, normal sex is still a novelty for most people. In book form. A book such as yours which … very wittily …

HALLIWELL   We thought it was witty …

PUBLISHER   … explores the by-ways of sexuality … is … ahead of its time. We’re a very conservative firm …
Orton has started to wander round the room. He looks at the bookcase and while the Publisher is talking to Halliwell slips an art book under his coat.

HALLIWELL   Isn’t one of the directors T. S. Eliot?

PUBLISHER   Yes. That’s right.

HALLIWELL   Is he in the building?

PUBLISHER   Er … Thursday … yes, he is.

HALLIWELL   Fancy, John, we’re under the same roof as T. S. Eliot.
Orton mutters to Halliwell.
He wants to know which is his chair.

PUBLISHER   Er … that one.
Orton sits on it. Halliwell smiles indulgently from him to the Publisher, who is now slightly alarmed by them. The Publisher hands Halliwell his manuscript back.
Well, thank you for letting us see this.

HALLIWELL   You could keep it a bit longer if you want. Show it to a few more friends.

PUBLISHER   Thank you, no.
They are approaching the door.

HALLIWELL   And, remember, next time you run into Mr Eliot, tell him he’s got two devoted fans in Islington who think The Waste Land is a real knock-out.

EXT. LONDON STREETS. DAY. 1956.

Orton and Halliwell are walking away from Faber and Faber. Orton is stowing away the book he has pinched in Halliwell’s ex-army pack.

HALLIWELL   Never mind. At least you can say you’ve sat in the same chair as T. S. Eliot.

ORTON   Yes. I’m never going to wipe my bum again.

HALLIWELL   Why do you always leave the talking to me? It was your book as much as mine.

ORTON   I’m shy. It’s not my territory.
A youth is coming towards them.
Now this is dead-centre me.
The youth passes.
Nice bum.

HALLIWELL   He heard that.

ORTON   So what? Now you’re shy.
They laugh and we should realise maybe for the first time why it is they are a good match. They walk along, eyeing the talent.

HALLIWELL   This is Mr Halliwell.