GILBERT   Look out, you! Oh sorry, Dr Swaby.
A wagon coming the other way narrowly misses Gilbert sprawling in the roadway. The woman throws her hands up in horror. The parcel flies into the air. Coming down it hits the roof of the car and bursts, flinging its contents over Dr Swaby. Collecting himself, Gilbert looks up to find a seething Dr Swaby gathering potato peelings and kitchen waste from the road and his person. Glaring at Gilbert, Dr Swaby wraps this garbage in the remains of the gaily decorated paper. Showing no recognition of his having been at fault, Dr Swaby then gets back into his car with his parcel and drives off, leaving Gilbert sitting in the road.

EXT. BOWLING GREEN. AFTERNOON.

Allardyce and Lockwood are sitting by the pavilion, watching the game, attaché cases on their knees. Lockwood looks at his watch.

ALLARDYCE   I’ve never committed a crime before.

LOCKWOOD   I thought you were an accountant.

ALLARDYCE   (opening his case) I’ve fetched her another ginger biscuit. Last week’s went down so well.
Dr Swaby arrives.

DR SWABY   Ready?

LOCKWOOD   Ready? We’re ready.
They follow Dr Swaby away, all with their little attaché cases.

DR SWABY   I had a little contretemps with that new chiropodist. Why we need chiropodists I don’t know. Something wrong with their feet, people can come to me. They’d always find a sympathetic hearing.

ALLARDYCE   You’ve got bacon rind on your shoulder.
Dr Swaby dashes the rind from his shoulder and violently wings it away. As they reach Dr Swaby’s car they stop short. Gilbert is labouring up the road leading past the bowling green on his bike. He smiles at them and snatches a quick wave as he passes.

EXT. OPEN COUNTRY. AFTERNOON.

Gilbert pedals on up the narrow twisting moorland road. Dr Swaby’s car makes no allowance for him when it roars past, its three occupants staring out disapprovingly.

EXT. SUTCLIFFS’ FARMYARD. AFTERNOON.

Allardyce, Lockwood and Dr Swaby pick their way across the mucky farmyard in their unsuitable shoes. Preston, the loutish son of the farm, stares at them. Mrs Sutcliff comes out of the house.

The three visitors pick their way over to a long shed. Through the open door we can see that it is lined with pig stalls, with an aisle down the middle. Sutcliff, a rough-looking character, is working at the far end.

ALLARDYCE   We’ve come to see our friend.
He waves his case. Sutcliff comes out of the shed.

SUTCLIFF   You want to watch out, coming all together. I’m the one who’ll cop it.

DR SWABY   Nonsense, Sutcliff. (Raises his attaché case.) I’ve come to examine your good lady.

LOCKWOOD   I’m here to draw up your will.
They both look at Allardyce.

DR SWABY   What are you here for?
Allardyce looks baffled.