Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

ALLARDYCE   On second thoughts.
He takes the biscuit from her nerveless fingers and goes out again, leaving her bemused. Turning back to the window, she looks down at Gilbert waving his arms in the road. Allardyce is seen to come up by Gilbert’s side.

EXT. THE PARADE. DAY.

Gilbert is directing the painter in his premises. The painter is standing in the window holding up the porcelain foot.

To Allardyce’s casual glance the foot looks part of some much larger leg, going up into the shop.

ALLARDYCE   (a friendly greeting) Mr Chivers.

GILBERT   (turning) Chilvers. Do you think I’ve got it – (meaning the foot) – in the right place?

ALLARDYCE   (meaning the premises) Oh, yes. Yes. Best place in town.
Gilbert turns, not understanding, but Allardyce has gone.

EXT. NUTTALL’S SHOP. DAY.

As Ernest pushes the blinds in for half-day closing, he tells every passer-by that ‘We’re closed.’ Nuttall can be seen in the shop, alone except for Mr Lockwood.

INT. NUTTALL’S SHOP. DAY.

Nuttall has just pushed a parcel wrapped in newspaper over the counter to Lockwood.

LOCKWOOD   Sad about Metcalf. You’ll be the only butcher left soon.
Nuttall disembowels a chicken.
We’re all going to have to watch our step.
Nuttall chops the head off the chicken.

NUTTALL   (holding his hand out for the parcel) Mr Lockwood.
Lockwood frowns and gives him the parcel. Nuttall puts the chicken’s head and giblets in it and gives it back to Lockwood, who puts the parcel in his attaché case. He barges his way out past Ernest, coming with the blindhook. Gilbert, passing on his bike, pulls up when he sees Lockwood.

EXT. NUTTALL’S SHOP. DAY.

GILBERT   Morning, Mr Lockwood. My lease ready to sign?

LOCKWOOD   (as he walks on) In due course.

GILBERT   (following with his bike) No difficulty, is there?

LOCKWOOD   Yes. Time. It’s in short supply.
Left in the road, Gilbert looks round awkwardly and then remounts his bike and pedals off.

EXT. STREET. DAY.

Gilbert is on his rounds again, cycling cheerfully along. Further up the street Dr Swaby is on the point of leaving a patient’s house. A woman is holding the door and behind her we see an elderly lady (Mrs Beevers).

DR SWABY   (to woman) I think you’re doing the right thing. I’ll send somebody round for her tomorrow. Tell her she’s going to Bridlington. The grounds are immaculate. She’ll be very happy.
Dr Swaby raises his hand in a wave and then takes his leave, going towards his car parked in the road.

WOMAN   (running) Doctor. Doctor Swaby.
Dr Swaby looks from his car to see the woman running down the path towards him, waving a parcel in gaily decorated paper at him. Gilbert, approaching on his bike, has also seen, the woman. Dr Swaby opens his car door into Gilbert’s path, causing him to swerve and fall off.