Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

Stella limping slightly (she has only one shoe) comes out of the music room and crosses to the stairs. Waits. Glyn comes out of the door, leaving it ajar. He crosses after her. She starts up the stairs. Glyn follows.

INT. UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR. NIGHT.

Stella walks down the corridor, followed by Glyn. The hymn sounds in the distance. She stops and turns; he stops and throws down her shoe. Stella stoops dawn to straighten her shoe. Glyn watches. She puts her foot in the shoe. A long look between them. He moves forward; she retreats against a door. He opens it and pressures her gently through.

INT. MOTHER’S ROOM. NIGHT.

A travelogue featuring some African tribe is on the TV screen. Glyn and Stella enter: Mother takes no notice of them, but continues to watch intently. Glyn holds out his hand for Stella’s earrings. She surrenders them and he puts them in his pocket. They move slowly round. Glyn sucks Stella’s fingers. Mother glances up with irritation and turns the volume up. They embrace with sudden violence and sink down behind the TV screen.

EXT. ENGLISH ROADS. NIGHT.

Tracking shot past Brian and Kevin as the van speeds down an arterial road.

EXT. HOUSE. STUDIO. NIGHT.

A taxicab (the old-fashioned London variety) draws up outside the house. A large, imposing lady with a cloak and a stick descends and walks up to the front door. She is followed by the driver … an old-style London cabby with a walrus moustache, shapeless overcoat and muffler. He is carrying two cases.

The lady hammers on the door.

INT. HALL. NIGHT.

Through the open door we can see the wedding service still taking place in the music room.

MR GREGORY   If any of you know just cause or impediment why these two persons should not be joined together in Holy Matrimony …
The knocking is repeated on the front door. The voice breaks off. A murmur (George is saying, ‘Better go and see’). Betty appears, looking round.

BETTY   Why does it always have to be me?
More knocking. Betty goes to open the door.

BETTY   Totty!

GEORGE   (emerging) Hello! Totty!

TOTTY   I had to come …

GEORGE   Look, everybody! It’s Totty!
The guests emerge from the music room, saying, ‘It’s Totty!’ or expressing surprise or pleasure. They come up to her in turn and kiss her, shake her hand, and she says their names, laughing and embracing.

RUFUS   Totty – darling!

TOTTY   Hello, my love.
Stella appears at the top of the stairs, rather dishevelled.

STELLA   Is there one for me?

TOTTY   Dear Stella.

OSCAR   Que je suis enchanté.

TOTTY   Oscar!

OSCAR   You don’t know Svend.

TOTTY   I feel I know you.

PAULINE   I’m so glad you came.

GEORGE   We’re all glad you came.

PAULINE   George and Betty were just getting married.

TOTTY   I know. Am I too late?

GEORGE   Just in time.

BETTY   As always.

TOTTY   I brought you a present.

BETTY   Totty – you shouldn’t have.