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Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

DUKE OF YORK   Ma.

KING   (motioning them to sit) Oh do, please.

PRINCE OF WALES   How is Your Majesty?

KING   A fat lot you care.

QUEEN   Love, George.

KING   You smile, sir.

PRINCE OF WALES   I am happy to see my father his old self and in such good spirits, sir.

KING   (with growing anger) Good or bad, I am in control of them, sir. When a man can control himself, his spirits are immaterial. When a man cannot control himself he would do well to be sober, he would do well …
Willis moves in as the King stutters to a halt. He coughs. The King gives Willis an irritated look but recovers himself and calms down.
Marry, sir.

PRINCE OF WALES   (with a big effort) I am married, sir.
Willis looks alarmed.

KING   Somebody big, somebody German. Children. What, what?

PRINCE OF WALES   I am married, sir.

KING   (furious) Not without my say-so. And I do not say so. I will not say so. You are not married, sir.
Willis gives a little cough. This irritates the King but he visibly controls himself.
If you have a cough, sir, take it outside.
Willis hesitates, then goes.

(to Prince of Wales) Put her away, sir. Your debts will be paid … and you will have an income that is … appropriate.

INT. WINDSOR. LIBRARY. DAY.

The King is with Pitt, the King signing warrants and state papers. Pitt hands him a warrant. Willis is sitting in the background, waiting.

KING   (looking at the warrant) Is it any wonder a man goes mad? Doctors. Thirty guineas a visit? And travelling expenses. For six months’ torture. They would have a man pay for his own execution, what, what? How much is he getting?
He looks at Willis.

PITT   An annuity. A thousand a year, sir.

KING   Well, he has done me some service.

PITT   I think it is time has done you the service, sir.

KING   Yes? Mmm … But what of the colonies, Mr Pitt?

PITT   America is now a nation, sir.

KING   Well, we must get used to it. I have known stranger things. I once saw a sheep with five legs.

INT. WINDSOR. KING’S APARTMENTS. BACKSTAIRS. DAY.

Greville, Braun and Papandiek.

BRAUN   Sacked? Jesus!

PAPANDIEK   And me? I was His Majesty’s devoted servant.

BRAUN   Yes.

GREVILLE   Forget what you have seen. Majesty in its small clothes. Wipe it from your memory.

PAPANDIEK   He was ill. We knew that.

GREVILLE   Yes, and now he is well. Here …
He throws them each a purse.

INT. WINDSOR. LIVING QUARTERS. GREVILLE’S ROOM. DAY.

Fitzroy gives Greville a letter. He reads it.

GREVILLE   Me too. I am no longer in service.
Fitzroy does not look surprised.

FITZROY   You were kind to His Majesty during his illness, Greville.

GREVILLE   I did what I could, Captain Fitzroy.