Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

FOX   I put it to the House that we have been deceived too long over His Majesty’s continuing illness. When are we going to see the Bill appointing the Prince Regent?
The King regards himself in the mirror, then reaches for the razor with Willis, Greville, Fitzroy and the pages all watching him. The King makes a sudden movement with the razor, as if he’s going to attack them. Braun jumps back. The King laughs.

MPS   (out of view) When? When?

PITT   In due course. It is still being drafted.
More shouts of ‘When?’

SPEAKER   Order, Order!

PITT   Soon.
Uproar. The faces of the MPs in close-up are madder than the King’s ever was.

SPEAKER   Order, order. On Mr Fox’s motion to present the Bill, the House will divide. Ayes to the right, noes to the left.
The King proceeds to shave himself perfectly.

INT. WESTMINSTER. HOUSE OF COMMONS. LOBBY. DAY.

The sound of cheering from the chamber as Dundas pushes through to Pitt and Thurlow.

DUNDAS   They won. Just three votes.

THURLOW   Then you must present the Bill. The Prince must be made Regent.

INT. A CHURCH. DAY.

Fox and Sheridan sitting in a pew. Fox impatiently looking at his watch. Thurlow comes in with exaggerated stealth and takes the pew behind them, kneeling down and holding the bridge of his nose fastidiously between thumb and forefinger.

FOX   Well?

THURLOW   I’m praying, goddamn it.
He finishes praying.
I’m almost ready to give you my support.

FOX   Now? We don’t need you now.

THURLOW   I think you do.
He hands Fox the page torn from the marriage register.
Your boy’s married.

FOX   No. She’s just his mistress.
He looks at the page.

THURLOW   I haven’t told Mr Pitt. Yet.

SHERIDAN   What is it you want?

THURLOW   The good of the country.
Fox snorts contemptuously.
To remain as Lord Chancellor.

INT. CARLTON HOUSE. DINING ROOM. DAY.

Thurlow, Fox and Sheridan are now at dinner with the Prince of Wales, Maria and Warren.

PRINCE OF WALES   Well, I’m sure that can be arranged. When, and if, we ever manage to get our hands on government.
The Prince glares at Fox.

FOX   The Bill is ready, sir.

PRINCE OF WALES   I am a snail, Lord Chancellor, creeping my way towards the throne. Even Maria is becoming impatient.

MARIA   Only for His Majesty’s recovery, sir.

FOX   And now the Lord Chancellor has come out in favour of Your Royal Highness, the end is surely in sight.

THURLOW   I have always been in favour of His Royal Highness.

FOX   Of course.

THURLOW   Though I would say the present situation calls for a certain delicacy.

MARIA   (to Prince of Wales) This is your father, sir. Be kind.

THURLOW   Lie on your oars, sir, the tide is with you.

PRINCE OF WALES   (fuming) The tide? Lie on my oars?

MARIA   George!

THURLOW   Your Royal Highness has but to wait.