Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

QUEEN   Not have access? But I am the Queen. Where are you taking him? No. No. Stop. George. Tyrant!
The King is taken away.

INT. WINDSOR. PRINCE OF WALES’S ROOM. NIGHT.

Maria Fitzherbert quickly hides behind some other ladies as the Queen and Lady Pembroke burst in. The Queen advances smartly on the Prince and slaps his face.

PRINCE OF WALES   Assaulted by both one’s parents in the same evening! What is family life coming to?

INT. WINDSOR. ANTEROOM TO PRINCE OF WALES’S ROOM. NIGHT.

The courtiers crowded at the door, giggling.

INT. WINDSOR. PRINCE OF WALES’S ROOM. NIGHT.

QUEEN   I was told it would be so. In England always the Prince hates the King.

PRINCE OF WALES   Is that why he is mad?

QUEEN   If he is mad, sir, you have made him so by your idleness.

PRINCE OF WALES   If I am idle, madam, it is because the King gives me nothing to do.

QUEEN   Do? Do what I do. I support him. I have his children. Fifteen of them.

PRINCE OF WALES   Then you should be grateful to me for giving you a breathing space … no, a breeding space, (trying not to laugh) I’m sorry, that really is awfully funny.
The Queen looks around. Everyone is laughing. She breaks down.

QUEEN   No, George, please. Please. Let me stay with him. Please, George.
She is on her knees. Cut away to Maria Fitzherbert, stopping her ears.

PRINCE OF WALES   No, madam.

QUEEN   On what authority?

PRINCE OF WALES   On medical authority, ma’am. On the authority of a son, ma’am, who cares for his sick father.

QUEEN   But I am his wife. Do I not care for him too?

PRINCE OF WALES   Possibly, madam. But in his current frame of mind – (He looks at Lady Pembroke.) – I’m afraid His Majesty does not seem to care for you.

QUEEN   Monster!

LADY PEMBROKE   Come, madam. Let me show Your Majesty where they have lodged us.

INT. MEDICAL AUDITORIUM. DAY.

An amputation is about to be performed, with Baker and Pepys among the small audience of physicians and surgeons watching.

Thurlow and Warren come into the auditorium.

The patient is strapped to the operating table and his gangrenous leg is exposed; the conversation between the doctors is punctuated by the patient’s screams.

BAKER   This is Sir Lucas Pepys, Lord Chancellor, whom I have taken the liberty of consulting.

THURLOW   The more the merrier. Are you familiar with His Majesty’s condition?

PEPYS   I have spent a lifetime in the study of the anfractuosities of the human understanding.

THURLOW   (irritably) What?

PEPYS   The mind, sir, and its delinquencies. If it were possible, I would value an early view of one of His Majesty’s motions.

THURLOW   Yes. That could be arranged, couldn’t it? But what the devil is the matter with him?

BAKER   Persistent delirium. And the pulse sometimes rises to 110.

WARREN   Oh, the pulse varies. It doesn’t signify.