Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

With MPs passing to and fro, Pitt, his colleague Dundas, Lord Chancellor Thurlow and Fitzroy confer in a corner of the Lobby.

FITZROY   The following day he rose before dawn, went down to the Provost of Eton’s lodgings and by persistent battering on the door roused the Provost and commanded him to show him the chapel.

THURLOW   So?

FITZROY   Well, Lord Chancellor, it was still dark.

PITT   Have we come to the end of this catalogue of regal noncomformities? Because I have heard nothing to suggest His Majesty’s behaviour is in any way unusual.

FITZROY   (knowing this is a trump card) He also harps on America. The colonies.
At this Pitt turns and looks, and there is a slight pause. Pitt nods to Dundas. Dundas steers Fitzroy away.

DUNDAS   Captain Fitzroy. For the strongest reasons, both foreign and domestic, a degree of discretion. And a hold on public functions. No levees or concerts. Just … Just …
He indicates that things should be damped down. Fitzroy nods imperceptibly.

THURLOW   The cork’s too tight in the bottle, that’s the trouble. He must be the first King of England not to have a mistress.

PITT   Fifteen children seem to me to indicate a degree of conscientiousness in that regard.

THURLOW   I’m talking of pleasure, not duty. Actually, there was a mysterious illness once before, in your father’s time; government was at a standstill.

DUNDAS   (returning) Well, it was of no consequence.

THURLOW   It was of no consequence because he recovered.

PITT   It was of no consequence because the Prince of Wales was then a child of three. It was of no consequence because Air Fox and his friends were not perched in the rafters waiting to come in. We consider ourselves blessed in our constitution. We tell ourselves our Parliament is the envy of the world. But we live in the health and well-being of the Sovereign as much as any vizier does the Sultan.

THURLOW   And the Sultan orders it better. He has his son and heir strangled.

EXT. CARLTON HOUSE. DAY.

Fitzroy hurrying through the courtyard.

INT. CARLTON HOUSE. DINING ROOM. DAY.

Fitzroy has finished reporting to the Prince of Wales, Duke of York and Dr Richard Warren, the Prince’s personal physician.

The sound of company next door.

PRINCE OF WALES   Cricket? Pa?

DUKE OF YORK   Howzat, what, what?

PRINCE OF WALES   Well played, hey, hey?
Laughter.

FITZROY   To watch, sir, it was quite distasteful. He was not himself.

PRINCE OF WALES   Warren, what do you think?

WARREN   I am not the King’s doctor.

PRINCE OF WALES   No, nor ever will be. He’s more likely to go to my tailor than my doctor.

FITZROY   But, sir, this is not the same.

PRINCE OF WALES   Could he be ill?

WARREN   (pausing, before bringing in the diagnosis the Prince plainly wants) Ye-es.
They go into the breakfast room.

INT. CARLTON HOUSE. BREAKFAST ROOM. DAY.

ALL   Good morning, sir.