PAULINE   But it’s meant. It’s a style. Betty – Scandinavian. No?
George starts to lead the way down the hall. Rufus walks with him. Betty follows with Pauline.

GEORGE   Thing was we’d invited everybody. Stella and Dickie, Oscar, Peter and Sue …

BETTY   You and Rufus …

GEORGE   Rufus and you. Invitations all sent out on the fairly reasonable assumption that we should be settled in by now.

INT. DRAWING ROOM. NIGHT.

They progress into the empty drawing room. There are some gilt chairs piled against the far wall. Windows covered with newspaper.

BETTY   That was three weeks ago.

GEORGE   Still no sign.

PAULINE   But where is it?

BETTY   It’s still in transit.

PAULINE   In transit?

GEORGE   On the road. ‘Misrouted.’

PAULINE   Misrouted? Oh Betty, where?

BETTY   Leeds was mentioned.

PAULINE   Oh, Betty!

GEORGE   Same old story. Them.

PAULINE   Three weeks! It’s incredible.

RUFUS   I wish it was. I hope you gave ’em hell.

GEORGE   It’s so difficult to get hold of anyone. Our phones don’t seem to be connected yet.

RUFUS   I know, though you applied six months ago.

BETTY   There is a box on the corner, only –

RUFUS   Don’t tell me. Vandalised.

BETTY   Naturally our first thought was cancel.

GEORGE   But then we thought, no –

BETTY   To hell with it.

GEORGE   – just because some dreary little lorry driver is trying to notch up some buckshee overtime by ferrying our precious possessions up and down the country, why should that stop us having a good time? Why not camp out?

RUFUS   Camp out?

GEORGE   Squat?

BETTY   So we’re squatting.

GEORGE   Living out of a suitcase and loving every minute of it.

INT. DRESSING ROOM. DAY.

The actress playing Stella is putting the final touches to her dress, helped by a dresser.

A knock at the door.

STELLA   Come in.
A boy enters and says something in Swedish. The dresser replies.
Is that me? … Thank you very much.

INT. HALL. NIGHT.

Harold is crossing with a tray of drinks: He enters the drawing room.

INT. DRAWING ROOM. NIGHT.

RUFUS   And you’ve no idea where the van’s got to?

GEORGE   None.

BETTY   Nobody seems to care.

RUFUS   They don’t.

PAULINE   I think they do it deliberately.

BETTY   But why?

PAULINE   Envy.

RUFUS   Spite. God, I hate this country.

PAULINE   He doesn’t really.
Rufus is taking a drink from Harold.

RUFUS   This piss-stained ammoniacal little island. This floating urinal. This rectal fistula of a nation. Where you can’t wipe your bottom without filling a form in first. And you can’t transport your worldly goods from point A to point B without getting pillaged in the process. It’s a pigsty.

BETTY   Dear Rufus!

RUFUS   Look at me, only last week I go into the office one morning, place a complete shambles. Paint all over the place.

BETTY   Paint?

RUFUS   Paint, glue, sand.

PAULINE   And that was only half of it.

BETTY   Oh no.

RUFUS   Soiled clothing.

BETTY   How frightful.