Back A Private Function
Chapters (21)
  1. Cover
  2. Landing Page
  3. A Private Function
  4. CONTENTS
  5. INTRODUCTION
  6. The Old Crowd
  7. CAST
  8. A Private Function
  9. PREFACE
  10. CAST AND CREDITS
  11. Prick Up Your Ears
  12. PREFACE
  13. CAST AND CREDITS
  14. 102 Boulevard Haussmann
  15. CAST AND CREDITS
  16. The Madness of King George
  17. PREFACE
  18. CAST AND CREDITS
  19. About the Author
  20. Also by the Author
  21. Copyright

ACTOR 1   I was seventeen. He was twenty-three. You can’t do better for yourself than that, can you? We were bosom friends. I hope I haven’t shocked you.

ACTOR 2   As close as that?

ACTOR 1   We had separate beds. He was a stickler for convention.

INT. BBC STUDIO. PRODUCER’S BOX. DAY. 1963.

Halliwell, Orton and the Producer are listening.

ACTOR 1   (voice-over) But we spent every night in each other’s company. It was the reason we never got any work done.
Orton laughs.

(voice-over) I used to base my life round him. You don’t often get that, do you?

ACTOR 2   (voice-over) No.
We see Halliwell listening.

ACTOR 1   (voice-over) He had personality. That indefinable something.

INT. PEGGY RAMSAY’S OFFICE. PASSAGEWAY. DAY. 1964.

Orton is going down the passage to Peggy’s office with voice-over of

Actor 1 continuing.

ACTOR 1   (voice-over) His mentality wasn’t fully developed, but he was bound to make good sooner or later. He was the go-ahead type.
Orton opens the door marked ‘MARGARET RAMSAY PLAY AGENT.’
He goes in.

INT. PEGGY RAMSAY’S OFFICE, DAY. 1964.

Peggy’s voice is heard, as in the earlier scene.

PEGGY   (voice-over) I knew nothing about him when he walked in.
He had considerable confidence and charm. I thought the radio play was derivative. I said so: he didn’t mind.

ORTON   I’m writing a better one. For the stage.

PEGGY   Well, Mr Orton, that sounds gorgeous. Would it be very rude to inquire how you are managing to live?

ORTON   National Assistance. Three pounds ten a week. I’ve just come out of gaol.
Peggy roots in her handbag.

PEGGY   Excellent. The papers love all that. Now this is what we call an advance. It means that when you finish this new play you’re writing, the one that’s going to be better, you bring it along and show me. (She gives Orton a bundle of pound notes.) John Orton. (Frowns.) Don’t like that. Sounds too much like John Osborne. Are you attached to John? As a name? No? Then try to think of another, dear.
Orton is leaving.

ORTON   Next time …
She looks up.
Next time I come can I bring my friend?

INT. ARTS THEATRE. STALLS. DAY. 1964.

A rehearsal of Entertaining Mr Sloane is in progress. Orton is in the stalls and Halliwell in the circle. The Director plots some stage business with two of the actors. One of them is in his underpants.

DIRECTOR   Now is that better? Joe?

ORTON   Fine. (He is writing on a pad on his knee.)

DIRECTOR   It feels better to me. Does it feel better to you?

ACTOR 1   It’s better for me.

ACTOR 2   Better for me too.

DIRECTOR   Success!
The actors smile. An atmosphere of relief.

HALLIWELL   Except that it’s not our play.
Orton is expressionless.
You’re making it into a cheap sex farce. That’s not what we wrote.
Orton says nothing.

DIRECTOR   We?

ORTON   Ken thinks …