“It’s not like—” I start, but Amy widens her eyes at me, silencing me.

“Elder, I understand, I do,” Doc says, his voice dipping back down to a low monotone, the same sort of voice he’d use when asking how I was, just before offering me a med patch to calm down. “You wanted to see what it was like out there. But you should have realized. Those suits are ancient. I doubt any of them are truly safe.” He pauses, not meeting my eyes. “Elder—you’re too valuable. With Orion frozen and the ship off Phydus—we can’t take any chances. Not with you.”

Doc covers his face with his hands, and I’m surprised—I’ve never seen him overcome with emotion like this before.

Beep, beep-beep.

I move to silence the wi-com.

“Are you getting a com?” Doc asks. “You better take it.” He glares at me, his worry replaced with anger. “Just because you do something loons doesn’t excuse you from your duties.”

“I know,” I say, wounded. I press my wi-com.

Doc’s scowl softens, and he looks like he’s about to apologize to me, but I put one finger up, listening to the com.

When I disconnect the link, I stand up. Amy looks as if she’d like to push me back into the bed, but I ignore her.

“Amy.” I try to put the words I cannot say into the look I give her. “We need to talk later. About the thing.”

She nods.

“But I’ve got to go now,” I say.

Amy grabs me by my elbow before I make it out of the room. “What is it?” she asks, and even though she’s only said three words, the tone of her voice begs me to stay with her.

But I can’t.

“Marae’s dead.”

Chapter 42

42

AMY

THE ROOM FEELS HOLLOW WHEN ELDER LEAVES. I TRY TO remember Marae—I knew she was the First Shipper, a title something like being second in command to Elder. She was tall and all business, with a severe haircut and piercing eyes, but I don’t really know anything about her other than her appearance.

And now it’s too late.

And too late for her to see the new planet too.

Guilt tugs at my navel. I shouldn’t be so happy, not when someone else has been killed. But—we’re here! The ship is going to actually land! As I pass by the common room in the Ward, I stop to stare out of the huge windows. In my mind, I replace the perfectly even rolling hills and boxed-up trailers of the distant City with forests and oceans and sky.

We’re here.