No, I mustn’t be silly, she would never be able to get up the drainpipe. Her arms are strong enough, it’s just that there isn’t a drainpipe.

What’s going on?

I pulled back the curtain a little bit and peeked out.

I should have known. Where there’s shouting, there’s Cain. He was leaning against a tree with his boot up against the trunk. And shouting in front of him was Beverley. He’d got his collar up and was patting his dog.

If I just quietly open my window a crack, I will be able to hear what she is saying.

What I hope she’s saying is, “If you don’t get out of town, my mum is going to shoot you.”

I slowly and quietly inched the window open.

Then I could hear properly. Beverley was crying and her voice was all squeaky. “You … you … treat me like nowt.”

Cain snapped, “Beverley, I told thee, I just want a laff, I don’t want a bloody moaning lass following me abaht. It’s depressing.”

Beverley was snuffling. “You said tha luvved me.”

Cain laughed. “I did nowt of the kind. Tha said thee loved me and I said, well, don’t.”

Beverley gulped. “Oh yer bad, you led me on.”

Cain laughed again. “I led thee on? Tha came trailing after me.”

Beverley said, “I want to kill you. You’re bad and mean.”

She went over to him and banged her fists on his chest. He just stood there.

Then he said, “Beverley, why dun’t tha go home, to tha mum and dad. There’s nowt doing here.”

Beverley screamed and ran off into the woods.

Bloody hell.

Cain stayed leaning against the tree. Looking down at his boots.

Then without looking up, he said, “So what dust tha think, lanky lass? What do they want? Lasses? Eh? Whativver it is I can’t give it to them.”

I didn’t say anything. How could he know I was there?

Cain said, “Well, are you going to give me your wise advice? Tell me what you’ve learned at big school.”

Ooooh, he was so up himself.

I stood up and opened the window some more.

“I did happen to overhear you as I was writing my … diary.”

He looked up and leered. “Is that what tha call it ‘writing in your diary,’ like when you had them reight big socks on your hands and you were …”

Oh, how dare he!!!! How dare he??????

He really was an animal.

Alex would never say anything like that.

Cain was kicking at the tree.

I said to him, “At least I don’t spend my whole life making people unhappy and … and … making them leap into rivers.”

Cain looked up at me again.

I looked back down at him.

He said, “You should wesh your face. You look like a bloody panda.”

Oh, typical.

I said, “Are you capable of ever being nice?”

And I was just about to slam the window down on him when he said, “I am being nice, you daft mare. What I’m saying is, tha dun’t need owt on your face. You’ve got a reight naice wild pretty face.”