Dr. Lightowler said, “Did she indeed? Well, that is good. I too have got a very, very strong sense of humor.”

Crumbs.

“Yes, and I have a very funny idea for you, for when we visit The Blind Pig.”

And she started laughing.

I left the room in a daze. Bottom. She is casting me as Bottom. A thick donkey called Bottom.

Wait till Ted Barraclough and the rough lads from The Blind Pig find out about this.

Wait till the Bottomly sisters find out.

Oh my God, wait till Dream Boy finds out.

This is truly, truly the worst day of my life.

And I am counting when Cain Hinchcliff caught me rubbing my corkers to make them grow.

And the licking the hailstone off my nose.

I went to The Blind Pig to tell Ruby all about it. Ted Barraclough popped up from behind the bar.

“Ay up, young man, have you been playing football today?”

I said, “No, we … er, we don’t play football.”

He doesn’t give up easily. “Would you like an apple? Can I take the opportunity to say how very, very much I am looking forward to you coming to my humble abode again to prat around like twits in tights.”

Before he could go on, I said, “Er, is Ruby in yet?”

He said, “No, she’s out in the back field with Alex.”

Alex?

Oh joy! Perhaps every cloud did indeed have a silver lining. Alex was here!!

Mr. Darcy come to save me.

I walked quickly round the back of the pub. My heart was racing. I couldn’t believe he was here. I’d read my letter from him every day and night for nearly a fortnight.

I took a deep breath and walked slowly up the track at the back. Oh oh oh. There he was! Mr. Darcy, standing with his back to me with Ruby. He wasn’t wearing breeches. I don’t mean he was naked from the waist down. He was wearing jeans, looking toward Grimbottom.

Ruby saw me first and called out, “Lullah!!!”

Then Alex turned round. He smiled his lovely smile. Oh, Mr. Darcy, Mr. Darcy, can I just run my hands through your chestnutty hair …

I didn’t say that bit out loud.

He said, “Hey, Lullah!! How are you, my little Green Eyes?”

Green Eyes, he called me his little Green Eyes!

Take that, Dr. Lightowler, he didn’t call me Bottom, he called me Green Eyes.

He looks further than my knees, unlike some people. There is indeed a silver lining to every black cloud.

When I reached him he gave me a hug. Mmmmmm, nice hugging. I remembered to do hypnotic eyes. Blinking and staring at the same time. I bet he is thinking, She is indeed a darkly damson, a plum ripe for plucking, a …

He chucked me under my chin and said, “Aaaah, you look lovely, Lullah, so lovely. You must tell me your news about Dither Hall. But first of all come and meet Candice, she’s at college with me.”