“Hi there!” he said. “I’m Frank, from the Office of Security. I’m going to be your instructor for this one-day forced march. I told them it was impossible, and they told me to stuff it, so here we are. Come on in my office. We only have eight hours, so let’s not waste time. You want some coffee? A doughnut? They’re right over there—delicious, especially the jelly ones. Take two. You have a long day ahead of you.”

I took two doughnuts—plain and powdered sugar. This Frank, whoever he was, seemed like the kind of person whose suggestions you obeyed. On his desk was a stack of back issues of Guns and Ammo magazine. The books on his shelf included Shadowing and Surveillance, How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found, Sneak It Through: Smuggling Made Easy and The Complete Guide to Lock-Picking.

“Do you know anything about tradecraft, son?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “Sorry, but I really don’t.”

“Ever been in the military, or the police? Or maybe the ROTC in college? The Boy Scouts, even?”

“No, sir.”

“Why, you little shit!” He wagged his finger at me. “Why the hell not? What’s the matter with you, for Chrissakes?”

“Nothing’s the matter with me. I just never did those things.” For a short, fat man in his seventies, he was intimidating. I looked at my watch, and then at the door. “Maybe I should go, if my background bothers you.”

“Hell, no. Calm down. I’m just kidding around. Having a little fun. My son is useless, too. It’s nothing to worry about. Because after one day with Frank, you’re going to know everything that’s worth knowing. Am I right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now, we’re going to skip a lot today. In fact, we’re going to skip almost everything, because we only have one fucking day. We’re going to skip the crash-bang, high-speed driving stuff, because you’re not going to be doing any driving. And we’re going to skip flaps and seals, because you’re not going to be steaming open any letters. And we’re going to skip agent recruitment, because you’re not going to be recruiting anyone. We’re gonna skip covert communications, and how to evade radio jamming, and parachute drops, and coastal landings at night in rubber rafts and a whole lot of other crap that you don’t need. Am I right?”

“Sounds right to me. I’m not planning any rubber-raft landings anytime soon.”

“Don’t be a smart aleck, son. It’s not becoming, and it wastes time. We’re going to concentrate today on just three things: how to detect surveillance, how to protect information, and self-defense. That’s all. You learn that, and Uncle Frank will give you an extra doughnut.”

“Sounds good,” I said. Life here seemed to be measured out in doughnuts.