She was banned from the games after that.

Mimi had appreciated the lift home on Saturday, but she was embarrassed. She could have sworn they’d all been sharing that wine equally. It’s just that it seemed to go down so smoothly lately. She’d been hoping that after twelve months of not drinking, she might now be a bit of an easy drunk. That one or two glasses would have her feeling pleasantly tipsy, saving both money and calories. Instead, it was like she was instantly a seasoned drinker again. Annoying and unfair. She wanted to have that nice wine buzz in the evenings after the kids went to bed. Something to take the edge off as she tried to become accustomed to life as a family of six instead of four.

When Tara was born, it was as though she was exactly what their family had been waiting for. She closed an open circle. She just . . . fit. But with the twins, everything felt out of sorts. Disjointed. Callie was irritable all the time. Tara had matured overnight. That should have been a good thing, but instead it had Mimi sometimes yearning for the old Tara. Her baby, who still wanted four songs and five cuddles at bedtime. Now she read to herself and switched off her bedside lamp before Mimi had come in to say goodnight. Mimi kept hopefully offering her the old songs but Tara would wave her away and reassure her that she didn’t need them anymore.

You might not need them, but I think I do.

James and Elliot were cute babies, but recently she’d come to the awful realisation that they still hadn’t tugged at her heartstrings in the same way Callie and Tara both did as babies. It was painful, it made her feel like a failure as a mother. Weren’t you supposed to instantly bond with your children? That was the way it had been with her other two. It was as though the twins kept her so busy, so on the go, there simply hadn’t been time to slow down and fall in love with them. Sometimes, when they were both screaming in the middle of the night, each one of them demanding her immediate attention, she’d catch herself thinking things. Nasty things.

You know I never actually wanted you two?

It had only happened a few times. And every time she would shake the thought away and mentally slap herself. Stop that. Don’t think things like that. That’s why it was so nice when she was finally able to start drinking again. The wine helped to soften those nasty feelings. She just needed to be more careful not to accidentally drink entire bottles when she was supposed to be driving.