Andrea cleared her throat. ‘Yes,’ she said, her voice raspy. ‘I guess so . . .’ She faltered, there was something important she needed to ask, but she couldn’t think. She closed her eyes and three images appeared in rapid succession.

Tablets on a palm.

Her own hand knocking them into the air.

Violet’s confused face.

Her eyes flew open and she tried to grab at Jill’s arm. ‘Violet?’ she said urgently. ‘She was with me, she —’

Jill spoke over her. ‘She’s fine. Absolutely fine.’

Andrea’s eyes filled with tears. ‘It was my fault,’ she said. ‘All of it. I lost control . . . there was nothing I could do. Oh God, I could have killed somebody.’

It was impossible to miss the look that crossed her mother-in-law’s face.

‘Jill?’

‘Maybe you should get some more rest, darling. Everyone is so desperate to come and see you now that you’re awake. They’ve all been so worried.’

‘Jill?’

‘Mimi and Pete and the kids are coming tomorrow morning, Darren said if you’re up for it he’ll come by tonight . . .’

The tears were sliding down Andrea’s face. She knew the worst possible news was coming. And she was realising how odd it was that her husband wasn’t by her side right now. Jill was listing all of these names, trying to distract her. But instead it was like she was holding up a neon sign. Because she wasn’t saying his name.

‘Please,’ she said. ‘You have to tell me. Where’s Tony?’

Jill’s face crumpled.

Chapter Twenty-Five

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Saturday 9 January

Andrea

Her eyes were fixed on the top of the gum tree she could see through the window. She still couldn’t quite comprehend what Jill had told her about her husband earlier today. For the past couple of days, Andrea had been grieving the death of the man she had loved.

But now, her feelings had been upended. Her grief had to shift sideways and make room for shock, anger, fear, guilt.

At first, Andrea fought against it.

‘There has to be a mistake,’ she said. ‘A misunderstanding. I know he lied about his stupid book, I was beginning to suspect he wasn’t the person I thought he was, but not this. This is impossible.’

So Jill had talked her through it. Gently explained that there was no denying it.

They’d continued to talk for several hours. Andrea asked question after question as she tried to make sense of the idea that her husband was a monster. Eventually, she asked to be alone.

She lay still and stared at the tree and considered her relationship with Tony. Was all of it a lie? Did he ever truly love her? Was the love she felt for him real? She thought about the way he had perfectly positioned himself as the polar opposite of the men she’d dated before him. Was it genuine? Or was it a careful manipulation?