That’s why I’ve decided I’ve had enough of secrets. That’s why I’m going to tell the boys another truth today. You should have let me do it a lot sooner. But I understand why you thought we shouldn’t and I still love you very much.

Love,

Jill

*

She’d seen Pete punch the wall.

And watched as Darren pulled him away and put his arm around him. She’d wanted to follow, wanted to hug both of them, but it was a moment just for them. And besides, Pete was angry with her.

He’d been civil towards her when he arrived, even held her hand at one point during the service. And yet, Jill could still feel the iciness emanating from him. He was being a good son, but he was a long way from forgiving her.

People kept coming up to her, wanting to offer their condolences, their hugs, their sweet or funny anecdotes about Tony. But she was only going through the motions as she thanked them or hugged them back. Her body was stiff and her words were soulless. She was broken, not because she’d lost Tony this week, but because she was realising that she’d lost him a very long time ago.

Finally, the people started to thin out and Pete and Darren appeared from around the corner. She saw blood on Pete’s knuckles and wanted to offer him a hanky to wrap around his hand, but didn’t want to upset him by bringing it up.

‘Do you want us to take you somewhere, Mum? For a coffee, something to eat?’ Darren asked.

Jill glanced at Pete. He looked uncomfortable and it was clear he didn’t want to but that he’d go along if she did. He was a kind son.

‘That’s okay,’ she said. ‘I think I’ll just go home. Be on my own with my thoughts.’

The relief on Pete’s face was painfully obvious.

‘You sure?’ Darren said.

‘Yes. Thank you, though.’

Jill was about to walk away, but stopped. She twisted the order of service she was holding in her hands. It was time.

‘There is something I think I should tell you though.’

Darren and Pete waited.

‘I . . . I don’t want any more secrets in this family. Never again. So, I want you to know . . . to know that . . .’ She was becoming flustered and she dropped the order of service on the ground. Could she really do this? After so long keeping this secret buried, could she really tell them?

Darren bent to retrieve the paper for her but Pete remained standing still, his body rigid.

‘What is it, Mum?’ he asked.

There was no going back.

‘I want you to know that you boys had an older sister. Her name was Robin and she was Tony’s twin.’

*

Robin. The girl that Frank had tried so hard to forget.