Sarah face paled at his words. They were harsh. They were also true.

“I should have.” Parts of him had—or so he’d thought at the time. Lately, since meeting Sarah, glimmers of those parts he’d thought were forever gone had revived, sparking to life.

“No,” she denied, placing her hand on his arm. “You shouldn’t have.”

“You don’t understand,” he started again, forcing his next words from his mouth because he had to confess the truth. “We’d left a small village where we’d been staked out for a few days. All of us knew something didn’t feel right and we were relieved when we got the orders to get out. None of us wanted to be there. We’d not gone a mile out of town when the IED went off.”

“Bodie,” Sarah gasped, her hand squeezing his arm in a gesture meant to comfort.

Back then, nothing had comforted the raw pain inside him. Nothing until he’d been awarded a beautiful work of art she’d made, held her quilt, read her note, and known he needed to recover so he could thank her in person.

“I don’t remember much after that. Just a blinding pain, seeing things no person should see, and then nothing.” He twisted in the seat to face her, to let her see his shame. “No one else survived, Sarah. Just me.”

Her face paled even further. “I’m so sorry, Bodie.”

“I have flashes of being found, of being put in a helicopter, then not much else until I woke in a hospital in Germany two weeks later.” He swallowed and continued, hating to tell her of his gruesome past, trying to gloss over details, but needing her to understand. “I was there for several more weeks. Next, they sent me to a stateside army hospital where I stayed for a month or so, then a rehab facility for another couple of months, before being discharged to stay at a friend’s place. I was there until the day we met.”

“Your friend Lukas?”

Bodie nodded. “It was while I was in the Army hospital that I was presented with your quilt. One of my nurses was involved with the Quilts of Valor Foundation and thought I needed it.” He took a deep breath. “She was right.”

Sarah placed her hand on her chest. “I’m glad she gave it to you.”

“Me, too. After the presentation, I read your note and it sparked the first flicker of light I’d felt inside me since the accident.” He looked at her, hoping she understood what he was saying. “I didn’t deserve to survive, Sarah, not when the others didn’t. Although my body had been healing, my mind hadn’t even started. I was their commanding officer and I failed to keep them safe.”

Something he’d never completely forgive himself for. How could he?