Ben sits on the beanbag next to me. The part I’m on rises as he sinks down. The desire I felt earlier, desire for food—the food my body actually needs, not human food—returns to me as Ben’s body heat starts to warm my skin. But I still can’t really move. I wonder if the milk has curdled and hardened in my veins and has kind of stiffened my body. It feels a bit like a muzzle; I hope it stays that way, while Ben is next to me, warm as though he’s just come out of the oven. “Yeah, that’s the part I think I’m really dreading—not even the death part, but the missing part after,” he says.

I nod with difficulty.

“Can I do anything to help?” Ben asks. “I’m staying in my studio tonight, so we could like . . . I don’t know . . . maybe watch something together or, I don’t know.”

“I thought we’re not allowed to sleep in our studios,” I mumble, slurring my words slightly.

“Yeah, I know. But, I mean . . . I think it’s okay sometimes.”

“Sometimes, like, when you need to stay here?”

He smiles. “Uhhh, yeah, basically,” he says. He wriggles down so he’s lying next to me. His arm is touching my arm. His neck is about half a meter from my mouth. Eventually, Ben says, “Sorry about your mum.”

“It’s okay,” I say, feeling genuinely mournful for whatever part of my mum I’ve lost.

Ben closes his eyes. I wish I could tell him about the life I envisaged for us earlier. The three options. Me, him, and Anju, with me trying to live as human—although, I feel like this might not be possible now, considering the effect of milk on my body. Me, vampire, and him, human, without Anju, and with Ben keeping me feeling alive, providing me with whatever life source he provided me with the other night that made my heart beat as though I was mostly human. Or me and him, both vampires. Both removed from regular life, maybe with his mum too, plucked from her deathbed, whatever tiny amount of time she has left now stretched out into the future. I wish I could be honest with him. I wish I could be honest with anyone.

Ben opens his eyes. He looks at the ceiling. He’s quiet for a bit. Then he says, “So, I’m going to be moving back home in a couple of days, just to be with my little sis and dad and to, you know, spend some time with Mum too.”

“Oh, right,” I say. “Is Anju going with you?”