“Because I saw you together yesterday. On the stairs.” She stroked the baby hairs at her temple. “He was so tender with you. He … isn’t normally like that.” She twitched, shifting uncomfortably, and I was glad she wasn’t looking at me so I wouldn’t feel badly for blushing so much. “The way he kissed you … the way he cried when you rejected him. I had to put the poor man out of his misery.”

Nothing I could think to say seemed right.

“He said you won’t have him,” she said, and when she turned to me her expression was accusing.

“It wouldn’t be right,” I said, and the words sounded idiotic even as they left my mouth.

“Even with no one in your way?” When I didn’t answer she kissed her teeth. “Let me guess, some excuse about being employed by him?”

“I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Whatever it is, it can’t be as big a deal as you’re making it. Do yourself a favor and get a little pleasure out of life while you can because we could all end up dead tonight—” At her own words her expression dropped to something more solemn, veiling fear. She cleared her throat. “You’d better keep your word and not get me killed. There are too many Parisian men I’ve yet to meet waiting for me.”

And she lifted her chin proudly and left the room.

CHAPTER 24

Whatever it is, it can’t be as big a deal as you’re making it.

Kelela’s words rang through my head, driving me crazy through the couple hours I spent constructing a better amulet for her. I mean, Magnus had led me on, knowing full well he was engaged and not thinking anything of it. Then, he’d had no intention of breaking it off with Kelela except that I’d given him no other choice. If I’d valued my dignity less, how long would he have kept us both?

But then …

Jember had been careless with my heart since I was five years old, and I’d yet to abandon him. And, well … perhaps the engagement had just been the whimsical words of children after all. It wasn’t as if he’d gone through the proper arrangements of paying a dowry—and honestly, they shouldn’t have been seeing each other before the wedding the way they did, if they were to do it properly. So maybe the engagement wasn’t official, and maybe I was the only one making a huge thing of it, and maybe he would’ve told me if it had mattered, and maybe—oh God, it felt crazy to hope—he did love me as Kelela said and I’d chased him away forever and …

And maybe it was too late to ask forgiveness.