And I didn’t just take a little sip and stop to assess my decision. The second I felt the sting of liquor on my tongue, that cleansing heat, I started gulping it down like a man dying of thirst. Half a pint went down in that first pull, the ice settling toward the bottom of the glass with a musical tinkle that tells bartenders like Razz it’s time for another round. Sure enough, I saw him wipe his streaming eyes and begin mixing me another one. Heard Malia’s straw slurping on the dregs of her own and signal for a second as well.

And I won’t lie. At that very moment, there was no other place I would rather have been. I didn’t want to drink. I was being forced to drink. Against my will. This was the ultimate excuse. One so convincing, there was no way anyone could dispute it. Not Cassie. Not my sponsor, Al Tanner at AA. No one. I had to do this, or I might never make it back home. Drink or die. Drink or never see my family again. How could I refuse?

I liked it, though. Especially once the potent blend of vodka, gin, and tequila hit the receptors in my brain. BOOM. Malia knew better than to smile, or show any sign of victory that would stiffen my resolve. She let me stew in my shame until the booze could steal that away. Replace it with false bravado. Remember me? I’m the fucking guy chicks used to throw panties at on stage. Had a whole crew of leathernecks hauling my gear across the world so that I could scorch earholes with my electric guitar.

I felt the ice cubes clink against my teeth as I strained for every last drop. There was a brief moment of sorrow. Not for breaking my sobriety, though. Rather, remorse over the empty glass. But it was short lived as I looked down and saw its replacement already waiting for me on the warped coaster. Razz took the empty glass and removed it from sight, so that there was only the one in front of me. Always just the one.

Seven years of restraint sloughed from my shoulders, leaving me light and buoyant. Time became irrelevant. The extras blurred into the background, as the world narrowed down to the three of us in this make-believe tavern. Our little coven of deceit. And the smile that cleaved my face was so large it made my cheeks ache, as though engaging muscles that had atrophied.