Now he looked uncomfortable for the first time. “But.…” he said, the beginning of a stammer, the familiar look of pained confusion on his face. “I don’t know myself there. I’m all alone. I have a friend here. He helps me think and see things and say what I feel and I’m not as scared when I’m with him.”

Please do not take my son from me. “A friend? That’s great. Can I meet your friend? Tell me about him.”

Rox shifted in his chair; he looked down, concentrating. “I met him in the mirror. Only I can see him, I think. Like he’s inside of me, kind of. Kind of like an imaginary friend? But I know he’s real, because he tells me what to say and I can hear him. Or sometimes he’ll use my mouth to say it himself. Which sounds weird, but I don’t mind. And I know it’s not just me knowing what to say, or saying the things he says. He lives in the mirror, I think. Because he goes away when I’m not near one. And then the bad dreams come and I can’t think anymore or say the things I want to say. And then it’s like being at home. And I don’t want to go back to being that way if I can be this way, even if it’s like being in a dream.”

How can I make my son go back to the way he was if he doesn’t want to?

“Does your friend have a name?”

Rox looks up and offers a sheepish grin, like he’s embarrassed. “Yes. But it’s not like a normal name. It sounds kind of weird.”

“Yeah?” I said. I’d never had a real conversation like this with my son before. “He’s got a funny name?”

Rox nodded, sitting upright and alert in his chair.

“Can you tell me what it is? Can I meet him?”

Rox nodded again. His eyes shifted back and forth as though searching his memory banks, or trying to put all the letters in the right order. Then he faced me, staring, I suppose, at himself, and prepared to speak. His mouth opened, and out came the sound of my damnation. That reverberating chirp from a sonar machine at full volume, tunneling into my ears and drilling straight into my brain.

A flash of light, then I’m looking through a set of eyes that aren’t mine. Typed words on a sheet of white, separated by symbols. A book, this one.

Please don’t read this. Please don’t read this.

* * *

Astaroth Adoor Cameso Valluerituf Marreso Lodir Cadomiir Aluiel CalnNeisso Tealy Pelorim Viordy Meusa Calmiron Noard Nisa Chenibaranbo Calevodium Brazo Tabarasol Come Arastoth Amen

* * *