That took a chink out of her armor. She sagged and her mouth dropped open in a show of surprise. “I mean, but not like how it sounds,” I said. Jesus, the counseling we’ll need to reconcile all of this, if we ever can. “Look, let’s get through this and I’ll tell you everything. I don’t know where to start, or how much of it is even real. But I’ll try.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “Come here.”

I’m a man in my forties, but right then I was a boy. Cassie, my wife, but also my mom. My unconditional lover. I sat next to her on the couch of animal attraction. The cushions sagged in a way that brought us together, and she took me in her arms, held my head against her breast, ran her fingers through my remaining hairs. Creating, within her, a confessional booth.

When I was a kid I’d get scared at night alone in my room. In the dark with the sounds of the house settling, certain that someone had broken in and was creeping around, coming to my room to kidnap me or murder me in my bed. So I’d close my eyes, because I didn’t want to see the face of the monster. And maybe if I couldn’t see it, it couldn’t see me. And then I’d wake up in the morning light and breathe a sigh of relief that the night had passed and I’d survived.

I closed my eyes and my head moved up and down to the rhythm of Cassie’s breath. I listened to her heart beating.

“I guess this is for the best,” I said. “Actually, that’s a lie. Damn, telling the truth is hard. I don’t see how saying what I’m about to say is for the best at all.”

“It’s okay,” she said. “If it’ll help us get Rox back it’s for the best. Like a Band-Aid, babe.”

Her heartbeat quickened. Her chest, like a pillow.

“So much of what I’ve been put through, a lot of it at least, seems to be punishing me for what happened to Rox. Like when I was stuck in that wall, being forced to face what it’s like to live inside his head.”

“Yeah?” I could feel her nodding, her hands caressing my head.

“So I’m sure that’s what this is about.”

More nodding.

“And the lie they’re talking about is about that night.”

Her heart is beating like a rabbit’s. Damn, I don’t want to hurt her more than I already have. Okay, like a Band-Aid. You can get through anything with your eyes closed.

“I don’t think he fell out of his crib like I said.”

Her hands stop stroking my hair.