Now, she can’t recall what they talked about. Just that her disappointment at learning Karen was on Noorö and couldn’t meet up had been accompanied by an equal measure of relief. No, she corrects herself, her relief had by far outweighed her disappointment, why lie about it? She can’t remember anything after that. Karen had prattled on and she had probably said things, too. Set her mouth on autopilot, maybe adopted that carefree tone she has become so good at, while waiting for the phone call to be over. And she’d kept a firm grip on one of her thumbs the whole time as a reminder to erase Karen’s number from her call log before Bo could have a chance to go through it. She hadn’t completely lost her mind.

What was I thinking?

Karen would have made her tell the truth this time if they’d met up. Granted, Aylin had known as much when she made the call, but she had ignored the alarm bells going off in her head. She had sat with her phone in her hand for almost an hour, hesitating and reconsidering until she finally gave in to a longing that was too overwhelming. A longing to hear a voice from her past, from before. A longing to spew out the whole ugly truth about her failure and humiliation. A longing to let Karen’s fury take over and carry her, since she’s unable to summon any anger of her own. To let Karen cry her tears.

But then . . . ? Nothing. No thought, no plan, no strategy. No strength. Not anymore.

Karen has all those things, she tells herself. At least when it’s about someone else. She has never been good at dealing with her own problems. And that thought grants her a moment’s relief; she’s not the only one with problems; everyone has their cross to bear. Then reality catches up with her. Not like mine.

Normal people don’t have to deal with this.

Normal people would never end up in this situation. What happened to Karen ten years ago wasn’t her fault, but I have only myself to blame. Karen would never understand. She would think there’s a way out, a solution, deliverance.

As though anyone anywhere could ever win against Bo Ramnes.