“Remember what I said to you about what I wanted to do with Heller?”

I nodded.

“I did that to him and I did it in a way I know he still hasn’t forgotten me. And the DPD frowned on that. I was suspended and it was investigated. I didn’t fuckin’ care. It was worth it to me then and it’s worth more to me now, even though, then and now, I knew I fucked up.”

“They didn’t fire you,” I noted.

“No, don’t know why. They should have. What I did weakened their case. What I did made it so his case mighta been thrown out and it was iron tight with his DNA matching multiple samples and women making solid IDs. What I did fucked those cases too. But they didn’t can my ass and the case didn’t get tossed because it didn’t go to trial. Family pressure, he confessed to all five. His confession swung good my way and since the case didn’t get fucked, with me, they said extenuating circumstances. I had a good record, I was a good cop, and my captain had taken to me, saw in me that I’d have a good career so he took my back and so did some brothers on the force.”

He took in a deep breath. I silently waited for him to release it and continue.

“Everyone knew who she was to me, they knew what he did to her, and, right or wrong, all of them, someplace inside them, knew the same thing happened to someone they gave a shit about, they’d either do what I did or consider it. They still gave me shit work, put me at a desk, and this is why I know desk work is not for me. I worked my way outta that shit and back on the beat. Then to detective.”

His jaw went hard and I again silently waited for him to release it before he kept talking.

“Through this, Bree went off the rails and then she went down. Heroin. OD. Everyone, including me, tried to pull her outta that shit. We couldn’t. Watchin’ her descend into that world was like a form of torture, not only watchin’ her but watchin’ her mom and dad and sisters watch her while bustin’ their asses and failin’ to get her straight. Don’t know how many times I was called in ’cause she was in a holding cell, strung out, dazed, not even knowin’ where the fuck she was and that she was pulled in for solicitation on a sweep. Too fucked up even to be smart enough to avoid getting arrested no matter how many times it happened. Suckin’ cock for twenty dollars so her pimp would keep her supplied. The last time I saw her breathing, I barely recognized her.”

Oh God, God.

“Honey,” I said gently.

“It was fucked, Tess.”