And then I really remembered the awful night with Nassim, the smashing glass and Nassim pulling a shard out of his arm, and I remembered breaking up with Nassim and not having her to lean on, and now, right now, when I most needed her to help me sort out this mess I was in, here she was, making everything about her.

‘No, Mum, you’re not listening. I don’t want to live with you anymore. I didn’t ask you to come here. I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t want you in my life anymore.’

Mum just kind of stood there. She looked down and stared at the ground. Her eyes filled with tears. It was awful. It was so awful. But how many times had she made me cry? How many?

Basil had his hand on his face. I imagined that he and Leonie thought I was being awful. I imagined that they’d started to hate me. And I hated Mum even more for that.

‘You’ve ruined everything, Mum. You’re ruining everything. Even now, right now. Everything.’

Her face was instantly hard. I knew that face.

‘Anna you’re being a bit ridiculous. Come on, nobody wants a scene.’

‘No,’ I said. ‘No. And don’t ask me again. It’s done now.’

‘You just can’t stay here. You know that. And there are other things you don’t know, that aren’t your business. So stop arguing and come on. Let’s go.’

I knew this feeling so well. Swept aside. Always. Always swept aside.

But I didn’t have time to respond before Mum had turned on Leonie. ‘And you,’ she said. ‘Why did you let her stay here, when you knew –?’

‘As I said, Cathy, I thought you knew she was here, and I didn’t know he was still so . . . active.’ Leonie remained calm in the face of Mum’s antics. It seemed to take the wind out of her sails.

‘Well,’ said Mum, looking back at my stuff strewn on the driveway. And then suddenly she was looking furtively around. ‘You can’t stay here. You just can’t. Even Leonie would agree with that now.’

‘Sure,’ Leonie said, noncommittally.

‘Okay, Anna,’ Mum said, turning back to me, haughtiness entering her voice as it always did when she felt she was being judged or attacked. ‘You don’t have to stay with me. Once we’re out of here, do what you like, your decision – you can reject me and break my heart later on, as much as you like – but right now,’ and again Mum looked around her nervously, ‘you do have to come. We should get on the road back to Sydney as quickly as we can –’

‘I can’t, Mum.’

‘I just said I won’t hold you to anything –’

‘Anna needs to see a doctor, Cathy,’ Leonie cut in.

‘A doctor? Why?’

I wasn’t going to tell her. I was never going to tell her. But in that moment it felt like a powerful thing to do. A way to slap her. A way to shut her up.