Chapters (65)
‘Sit yourself down,’ said Kathleen. She walked with a stick now, and by the large sigh she gave out as she sat down, Melissa deduced that moving around must have become quite an effort for her. How old would she be? Seventy-five, eighty? Older? Melissa should know, but she didn’t, and she had no one to ask; and Auntie Kathleen was of the generation that were secretive about their age.
Melissa sat down on the sofa and laid the sleeping Leah carefully next to her. The baby stirred briefly but didn’t wake.
‘She’s a bonny bairn,’ Kathleen said.
‘And do you like her dress?’ asked Melissa, finding, a little surprisingly, that she was anxious for approval from the old lady. ‘I put it on her specially.’
Kathleen nodded slowly. ‘Aye. She looks pretty as a picture.’
She leaned over to pour the tea, her gnarled hands shaking slightly under the strain. Melissa knew better than to offer to help.
‘And how are you finding motherhood?’ Kathleen asked once the tea was poured and the sandwiches distributed. ‘Taking to it like a duck to water?’
‘It’s good,’ said Melissa, nodding enthusiastically. ‘I mean, it’s hard, like. But now that she’s here I wouldn’t be without her. I feel kind of finished off, complete, like, you know?’
Hearing herself say it out loud, Melissa realised that it was true. Having a baby hadn’t been something that she and Ray had planned. Of course, it was always a possibility, and when her period was late she hadn’t been that surprised or shocked. She’d meant to get to the doctor’s for a repeat prescription of her pill, but somehow she hadn’t quite made it. Had she done that on purpose? She didn’t think so, but it wasn’t something she’d chosen to examine that closely, and she certainly hadn’t said anything to Ray.
She hadn’t mentioned her suspicions to him, either. She wanted to be sure. Over-the-counter pregnancy tests were pricey, but they were free at the clinic and she’d had a test done there, which had confirmed it. There was going to be a little one in her life.
Even then, Melissa still hadn’t told Ray. She worried that he might not want a child – it wasn’t something they had ever discussed – and that made her realise how much she did. As the baby grew inside her and she got more used to the idea, one thing became clear: even if Ray wasn’t interested in becoming a father, she was going to keep it. It wouldn’t be easy on her own, but it wasn’t impossible. Other women had children in less than ideal situations and coped okay.