“No, it’s fine,” said Willow. “Truth or dare. Pick truth.”

“Uh, truth?”

She leaned toward me, fingers interlocked. “What is the nature of your and Ezra’s relationship?”

“We’re friends.”

“You seem like you’re more than friends.”

“We’re just really good, really weird friends. I promise. It doesn’t make any sense, I know.”

Willow nodded thoughtfully. She seemed awful accepting of this half-baked explanation.

“Truth or dare,” said Willow. “Pick dare.”

“Hey, it’s my turn!”

“Pick dare. I dare you to pick dare.”

“Oh my god,” I said, laughing. “Fine! Dare.”

Willow rolled off the bed clumsily, staggered for balance, and veered to her honest-to-god hope chest. It was an ugly, beat-up heirloom that she inherited from our grandma Slevin. Willow opened it and rummaged through the contents. It appeared to be filled with an odd assortment of sentimental items—old stuffed animals, art from middle school, ancient iPods probably filled with pop music she no longer felt comfortable associating with.

She pulled out a DVD and shoved it in my face—She’s the Man.

“I dare you to watch the best movie in the world with me.”

Illyria and Cornwall were at war!

Except “Illyia” and “Cornwall” were boarding schools, and the “war,” so to speak, was a soccer game. Still, shit was lit, and it was about to get lit-er.

AMANDA BYNES (disguised as a boy): Okay, you know what? I can’t do this anymore. Everybody, I have something to tell you. I’m not Sebastian. I’m Viola.

CHANNING TATUM: Wait, wait. You’re not Viola.

AMANDA BYNES: Yes… I am.

CHANNING TATUM: No, I know Viola. I kissed Viola.

AMANDA BYNES: You kissed me.

CHANNING TATUM: W-w-w-w-what are you… t-talking about, I didn’t… I didn’t kiss you.

Willow made a fake sobbing sound and pressed her hand to her chest. “Oh, my heart.”

“Channing Tatum is so precious when he’s flustered,” I said.

Amanda (Boy)nes proceeded to pull off her fake sideburns, all the while explaining that the girls’ team at Cornwall got cut, and the guys wouldn’t let her go out for their team; therefore, she’d been pretending to be her brother for the past two weeks while he was in London. That way, she could make Illyria’s team and beat Cornwall, because seriously, fuck Cornwall.

Then Amanda (Boy)nes pulled off her entire wig, and yep, “he” was a she.

Channing Tatum, however (flustered af), was in serious denial that his best bro was also the girl of his dreams. He politely informed her that just because she was wearing a wig, that d-d-d-d-didn’t prove she was a girl.

Amanda Bynes thought that was amusing. That’s when she lifted her shirt, and let the tits do the talking.

Cut to Viola and Sebastian’s parents—awkwardly averting their gazes in the bleachers.