Yeah, that was why she had chosen not to look in the first place.

She has to clear her throat twice to ensure to herself that it’s relatively normal as she asks, “What about you?”

Even though she isn’t looking anymore, she knows Hannah’s still on her side and looking at her.

“What about me?”

“When do you think you’re going to date?” She asks, and then regrets it. She really… she doesn’t think she wants the answer.

But Hannah lets out a loud, scoffing laugh. “Yeah, right.”

Okay, once again, Caroline can’t help herself. She rolls onto her side this time, not propping herself up. Just enough to be able to truly look at Hannah, whose eyes are downcast to the blanket as she draws invisible little designs with her fingertips.

“I know after a divorce it’s – hard. To have feelings for someone again or let someone in. Trust me, I know; I’m a professional,” she adds with a conspiratorial smile as Hannah’s gaze finds hers again. “But you’ll get there and you deserve to.”

Hannah shifts down into the bed so she’s eye level with Caroline and she’s not sure if it’s her imagination or not, but she feels a bit closer now. There’s that crinkle between her eyebrows that she gets when she’s struggling to put her thoughts into words. “No, it’s not… I know I’m capable of having feelings for someone.” Her voice is barely louder than a breath and Caroline unconsciously shifts even closer to be able to hear better. “It’s about trust. Like if I can… really open that part of myself. And,” she hesitates, seeming unsure of her words, “It’s also me, that I don’t trust.”

She turns to look at Hannah, who is twisting the blanket in both of her hands, then untwisting, before she twists again, tighter. “I lost so much of myself in being with Michael. I lost my independence completely and I’m only figuring out how to be an independent adult now, in my thirties. I can’t risk that.”

Her voice sounds both so introspective and pained, the words sounding like a confession. “Let alone taking Abbie into account. What if she gets attached and something goes wrong? What if – It’s just, all too much…” She trails off, a frown on her face so deep, like she can’t articulate the rest of what’s on her mind.

And Caroline can’t stop herself from reaching out and finding Hannah’s hands with her own, stilling their movements. She covers them and squeezes firmly, trying to figure out what words to let out of what’s whirring in her mind. There are a thousand things she wants to say, but she’s not sure she trusts most of it to sound platonic and anything not platonic is clearly the last thing Hannah wants to hear.