Nita nodded. As much as she’d have liked to tell him it really was that easy, do good unto others and it shall be done unto you, or whatever the hell the Bible thumpers said, the truth was it wouldn’t. The most selfless act Nita had ever done was to free Fabricio—and all it got her was sold on the black market.

The world wasn’t fair. And it didn’t operate on a karmic cycle, much as people wished.

She flopped down beside him and gently poked the crease between his eyes. “Then what is it that has you thinking so hard?”

He smiled slightly and playfully batted her hand away, like a small kitten.

She raised her eyebrows, and he sighed heavily before admitting, “I just feel like I’m slipping back into old patterns.”

“Old patterns?”

He stared up at the ceiling, brow furrowing. “I’ve escaped from Reyes, from Henry, from the Family, but a part of me feels like I haven’t really escaped. This is all I did in the Family. Hide away until I was needed, and then I’d terrify the Family’s enemies. I’d hurt them, punish people for their transgressions. Nothing’s changed.” He met her eyes. “Even though I’ve escaped, all I’ve done is the exact same things I did when I was in a cage.”

Nita bit her lip, because he wasn’t wrong. “You don’t have to stay with me. You’ve always been free to leave.”

“Nita, I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was gentle. “It’s not about you. We’re partners, and you’ve been doing better about not asking for things I can’t give. I appreciate it.”

“Then what can I do?”

“Nothing.” He sighed heavily. “We’re in a bad situation right now. We have to get through it to survive, and it will be ugly. I know that.” He rubbed his temples. “But it doesn’t make me feel less trapped. I feel like a hamster on a wheel, running the same route over and over. And even though the wheel is gone, all I’ve ever done is run, but now I don’t know where I’m running to or what I’m running on. I’m just running.”

He ran his hands over his forehead and fisted them in his hair. “I want to get off this wheel. I want to try and figure out who I am outside of that life.”

“How?”

“I don’t know yet.” He closed his eyes. “I just want to try something different, force myself outside of everything I’ve ever lived.” He shrugged. “Maybe I’ll hate it, but at least it would jolt me off the wheel, so I can figure out who I am for myself.”

Nita lay back and considered. “What kind of different?”