The lake cabin is just the right mix of new and old and the lake is always rippling gently with the light shimmering across it like tinsel on a Christmas tree. I’m always there during the Fourth of July, when the little town puts up flags and buntings. Like a freaking Norman Rockwell painting. Just thinking about the lake house makes me giddy with anticipation. Zander and I used to share a room with twin bunk beds when we were up there, but when I had gone from best friend to girlfriend that summer after freshman year I was promoted to the spare bed in Becca’s room for the week.

“I’m staying the whole summer this year.” Zander shakes his head, and his blond hair falls across his forehead.

“Since when?”

He doesn’t say anything right away, just stares up at the ceiling. When I push myself up and sit on the edge of the bed, he closes his eyes. “Does this have to be a thing?”

“That I’m possibly leaving, and you’re not going to see me all summer?”

He shakes his head. “If you’re leaving, what’s the point of the summer?” he mumbles.

Ouch. It had never crossed my mind that my moving would mean that Zander and I were over.

“So you don’t want to waste your summer with me if I’m going to be moving … but you also don’t want me to move in, which would keep me here? That sounds like us breaking up either way.”

Zander doesn’t say anything, and I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes. I don’t say anything, because talking about feelings is hard. It was hard when I was in therapy, talking about my lousy mother, and it never got any easier when I had to start talking to Zander.

“Maybe we should, Liv. I mean—” His voice is soft but rough, and the words stick into my ribs like they were wrapped around the blade of a knife.

“Fine.” I don’t know what else to say when it’s clear he’s over this. That he’s fine with leaving me for the summer, and for forever.

Zander rolls off his back and sits on the edge of his bed, his back to me. I’ve spent so much time in his room, I almost forget it isn’t mine. That I’m the one who has to retreat from this match. “I still want to be friends…”

“Unbelievable.” I push myself up from the bed and don’t glance back as I make my way out the door. Of course Zander would think he could have it both ways. I was the friend, and then finally when it was convenient I was the girlfriend, and now the tides have turned again.