But instead of accepting, let alone reciprocating, my gestures of friendship, Winnie was hostile to me. One day when I’d taken the pass to use the girls’ room, she went into my book bag. Though I knew what she’d done—she couldn’t resist smirking at me when I returned to class—when the teacher asked us to take out our notebooks, rather than accuse Winnie of stealing I let myself be punished for having “lost” mine. Curiously enough, it was right after this that Winnie decided she wanted us to be friends after all. Talk about punishment! The class was too kind: she really was a drag, the first chronic depressive I ever met, she must have been, not a lively bone in her body, not a song in her heart or a dream in her head. Winnie the Poop! Being with her was like being trapped in a dark moldy cellar. For the rest of that school year, she clung to me and so, unfortunately, like slime, did the thing that made other kids want nothing to do with her. It was either her or my other friends, but it wasn’t as simple as choosing my other friends. I just wasn’t capable of doing what needed to be done to get rid of her—not when I’d been the one to initiate the friendship. I was too ashamed, and I was so relieved when, at the start of the next school year, she and I ended up in different classes.

You go back, my friend said. Your mind takes you back. There’s a key, or you think there’s a key. A hand in your mind reaches out— Oh but you must be so tired of hearing me go on like this.

No, go on. I’m listening. I want to know. Go on.

I miss childhood, she said. When I was in third grade, a boy fell in love with me. He even proposed. I mean it! During recess one day he went down on one knee and said, Will you marry me? And I said, Where’s the ring? There’s supposed to be a ring. And some other kids had gathered around and they all started laughing at him. For a week or so he went around looking pissed, not talking to me or anyone else. And then one day he did it again, went down on one knee—and pulled out a ring. Such a ring! The most beautiful sparkly thing, but it was too big for me. I was going to wear it on a chain around my neck, but it turned out he’d stolen it—it was his big sister’s engagement ring! Thank God I didn’t lose it.