But after that day I would not go back. In fact, it would be a very long time before I could bring myself to work out again.

When we were saying goodbye he said, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Promise me you won’t forget about self-care.

I closed my eyes so that he would not see me roll them.

I was in the parking lot when I heard him shrill my name.

I’m sorry, he said as he jogged up to me. I just couldn’t let you go like that. Then, after a quick look around to make sure no one was watching, he gave me a big warm hug.

On the way back to the house I imagined myself sharing this story with my friend, before I caught myself and realized that I could not do that.

I don’t know who it was, but someone, maybe or maybe not Henry James, said that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who upon seeing someone else suffering think, That could happen to me, and those who think, That will never happen to me. The first kind of people help us to endure, the second kind make life hell.

III

Off to the gym, I told my friend. Back soon.

In truth, I was meeting my ex. We had arranged to have brunch at one of the town’s waterside restaurants the morning after his event at the conference.

When I asked him how it had gone, he shrugged.

“They weren’t happy about my not taking questions. Someone said it would be seen as cowardly. There was a time when that would’ve mattered to me.”

“No more?”

“Nevermore.”

“You don’t care what people think about you anymore.”

“Of course I do. But, like most people, I’ve spent way too much time caring about what other people think of me. My image. My reputation. I’m not sure they ever really mattered, or at least not as much as I thought they did. Not that I can’t name far stupider things I’ve wasted half my life thinking about. I’m obsessed these days with the kinds of things people are paying attention to in spite of the elephant herd in the room. I get a kick out of the New York Times home page, scrolling down from the ghastly headlines to their better living feature or whatever it’s called: How to have better posture. How to clean your bathroom. How to pack a school lunch.”