“I always thought I’d be a really shitty parent,” he says. “I’m still worried my kids are going to grow up to be psychopaths.”

Finn thinks about Petey swinging the extension cord over his head like a lasso while Tommy smeared raw hamburger onto his face like war paint. “They might,” she says. Shawn kicks her, lightly. “Well, they might. But it won’t be because you were a shitty parent. All parents are shitty parents, in some ways.”

“Not all parents. Not Kate.”

Finn rolls her eyes. “Stop getting all sentimental on me. Do you remember the time Mom left us at the mall? It was like she just forgot she had kids at all.”

“I wasn’t a kid,” Shawn says. “I was fifteen.”

“Whatever. You were as freaked out as we were. You thought we were going to have to hide in Sears and sleep in the mattress department.”

“I was only freaked out ’cause you were there. I didn’t know how I was going to support two spoiled brats on my lawn-mowing salary.”

“I think you would have done okay.” From where she is sitting, Finn can feel the force of his exhalation, and only then does she realize she has subconsciously timed her own breathing to his.

“Did you watch the video?” Shawn asks.

“Yeah,” says Finn. “Did you?”

“Yeah.” He rolls the cigarette between his finger and thumb, staring out into the night. “She looked…I don’t know.”

“Happy?”

“Not happy. Content, I guess. Like everything was working out exactly how she planned it.” He doesn’t say anything for a moment, then shakes it off, finally bringing the cigarette to his lips and lighting it. “How about you?” he asks. “How are you doing?” He looks at Finn and his eyes are dark, so much darker than Parker eyes. It reminds her that Shawn does not have the luxury of taking his family for granted. Just looking in the mirror is a reminder of where he stands in relation to everyone else in the family.

“You don’t have to do that,” she says.

“Do what?”

“Stay on top of everyone, all the time. Making sure we’re all okay. You can loosen your grip a little. You’re not going to lose us.” She stares at the glowing end of the cigarette, leaving orange trails through the darkness as Shawn brings it to his lips. “You’re more of a Parker than I am now.”

“Oh, come on, Finn.” He exhales slowly, the smoke curling away over his head. “If you want to be a part of this family, then just be a part of this family.”

Finn shakes her head. “No one wants that.”

“Clearly you do.” He stubs out the cigarette in the same spot as the last one. Then he pulls the pack out of his pocket and hands it to her. “Take these away,” he says. “I can’t start this shit again.”